


Locked Up In Love

by replaydebut



Category: K-pop, SHINee
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe - Wolves, Babysitting, Bonding, Kid Fic, Knotting, M/M, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Mutual Pining, Single Parents
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-30
Updated: 2020-08-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:26:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 35,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26202631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/replaydebut/pseuds/replaydebut
Summary: Jonghyun’s only history with childcare was looking after his sister’s two kids when the need arose, and with his focus on his academic career he rarely thought about mating himself, but 100,000 won a day with weekends off was better than any offer he would be able to find.He knew what it was like to be an omega child because he’d lived it. He figured that was all the experience he really needed.He clicked on his email tab, opened up a new message, and nervously typed out a subject line.
Relationships: Kim Jonghyun/Lee Jinki | Onew
Comments: 47
Kudos: 72
Collections: Summer of SHINee Round 2





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> For prompt #162 "Jinki (Alpha) is a single parent and needs to hire an Omega nanny (jonghyun) to help him out with his Omega child."
> 
> I've always loved domestic meet-cute fics, and I've started to like omegaverse a lot more lately than I used to, so I was very excited to try writing this prompt. It was a difficult process, but I'm proud of the finished product!
> 
> Thank you so much to my fellow mods Aqua and Sirius for continuing to run these fic events with me. Especially these days it has been hard, but I am always so proud of what we have accomplished! And another shout-out to Sirius for proofreading this for me as diligently as you did <3 I don’t think I would’ve been able to finish this in time without your help!! 
> 
> Small note: this fic includes passing mentions of an original character's death (NOT one of the shinee members, and nothing happens within the story. it is background info) i didn't tag it because it isn't graphic, but i wanted to warn for that just in case it could be upsetting.
> 
> Please enjoy <3 playlist for this fic is [here](https://music.apple.com/us/playlist/locked-up-in-love/pl.u-KVXBYB1FzvDJrR)  
>   
> 

  
Jonghyun blinked blearily at the hazy black text floating against the blue-white of his laptop screen. He’d been in the library for close to three hours, working first through his weekly reading assignments, then crawling through the local job posting sites in desperate search of something that would suit his schedule and financial needs. 

He’d already experienced the customary rounds of coffee shop and retail interviews, having received zero calls back even after he’d reluctantly reached out to thank each manager for their time. All the higher level research jobs pertaining to his field were already filled by students who were much more savvy on the professional side of things than he was. 

All his best skills laid in his writing abilities, and in his thoughtful answers during classroom discussions. Where it came to building a career, the future became as hazy and hard to read as the lines of dark font that littered his computer screen. 

He was ready to give up his search for the day, as the strain on his eyes was starting to make the left one twitch abnormally, when a curious job ad at the bottom of the page caught his attention. 

Wolf Dad Looking for Babysitter - 100,000 won a day, weekends off

Jonghyun raised an eyebrow. It was smart to be wary of strangers online advertising their wolf status. Most posts mentioning something so private and generally under the radar tended to be sexual in nature, but the word babysitter in the title peaked his interest. 

He clicked the heading to expand the job ad. 

_I’m an alpha father to an eight year old omega child, and due to personal circumstances my daughter’s other parent is no longer in the picture. I work a professional job, half days M-F from 8 AM - 1PM. During that time, no one is at the apartment to watch my daughter (I homeschool her once I get home from work, but to be honest I could use help in that area too)._

_I hesitate to post something like this online, but I don’t know where else to find a suitable candidate. She needs another wolf to be her caretaker because she’s in a significant developmental stage right now. I’m a single parent with a busy lifestyle and we’re disconnected from the local wolf community. I’ll pay 100,000 won a day, and more if need be. Weekends are yours if you want them._

_Please contact me by email if you believe you’re qualified.  
dlstmxkakwldrl@daum.net_

Jonghyun worried his bottom lip between his teeth. The author of the post sounded so genuine, and it was such a rarity for a wolf child to be without two parents. Jonghyun hovered his cursor over the email tab already open in his browser. 

His only history with childcare was looking after his sister’s two kids when the need arose, and with his focus on his academic career he rarely thought about mating himself, but 100,000 won a day with weekends off was better than any offer he would be able to find. He knew what it was like to be an omega child because he’d lived it. He figured that was all the experience he really needed.

He clicked on his email tab, opened up a new message, and nervously typed out a subject line.  


  
\---

  


His name was Lee Jinki, he worked at an architecture firm along the outskirts of Gangnam, and his daughter’s name was Jieun. Along with his address, this was nearly all that Jonghyun had gathered from his email reply two days previous.

They lived across the river, and for Jonghyun it felt an infinity away from the routine of his life near his university’s campus. He sat quietly in the packed train car, but his knee began to bounce up and down as nerves settled in the pit of his stomach. 

A small voice in the back of his mind reminded him that he had no idea what he was actually getting into. His thoughts traveled from the more harmless possibilities to the dangerous extremes. Anything from ‘old rich wolf looking for a sugar baby,’ to ‘sex trafficker using a job posting as a ruse for kidnapping unsuspecting omegas,’ flickered through his mind as the train slowly approached his stop. 

He wasn’t necessarily secretive about being a wolf, but it was common knowledge among wolves that keeping a lower profile was always in their favor. He typically used heat suppressants, and they often served to keep his scent at bay even outside of the heat cycle period. Jonghyun had never thought much of it; had simply started using them shortly after his first heat at the suggestion of his older cousin.

All his close friends were other wolves though, and he did crave the familiarity of the pack dynamic—especially living away from home while working on his degree. For a brief moment, he realized that he hadn’t let anyone know where he was going. He considered messaging Kibum in case the situation did turn out to be dangerous, but Jonghyun had always been stubborn, and never listened to Kibum’s advice anyway.

Besides, the one thing that had stuck out to him about Lee Jinki’s job ad, the thing that he kept coming back to as he mulled everything over in his head, was that he was a single parent.  
That just didn’t happen with wolves. It was the entire point of the bonding and mating process to find a lifelong mate and grow your pack. It was such an odd thing for a wolf to mention—whether or not they were constructing a fake job ad to lure in omegas for sex. 

It was so out of the ordinary that it had to be true, and as Jonghyun exited the subway car and walked up the station steps to the sidewalk, he continued to remind himself of that.

The neighborhood Lee Jinki lived in was not the extravagant real estate of Gangnam where he worked, but it was still a scale up from Jonghyun’s humble grad student housing. According to his phone GPS, Jinki’s apartment was only about a five minute walk from the subway station. 

It was the weekend, and even at three in the afternoon, the streets were bustling with people walking in and out of coffee shops, boutiques, and restaurants. The crisp smell of fresh spring air had begun to settle over the city in the weeks previous, and it always brought Jonghyun a sense of comfort. Winter had always suited him the most, but spring brought with it a sense of renewal and promise as the flowers began to bloom.

He had always associated the start of the season with the new beginnings that the start of the semester afforded. It was a time for growth, for learning, and for discovery. It sounded so cliche and romanticized in his head, but Jonghyun had never been able to resist those types of feelings.

He approached the apartment building and took a deep breath. It was relatively modest-looking, but nicer than his own, and the elevator ride up to Jinki’s floor was noticeably smoother and quieter than the older one back across the river at his place.

Jonghyun turned the corner once he reached the right floor, and found Jinki’s unit easily. He self-consciously fixed his hair and adjusted his bag on his shoulder before ringing the doorbell. It was silent for a few moments, and he considered ringing it again, when suddenly the door swung open and a neatly dressed man a few years older than him pointed a sunny smile in his direction. 

“Hi, you must be Kim Jonghyun?” the man said, and when he moved to open the door wider Jonghyun was hit with an overwhelming wave of his scent. It was so strong he nearly staggered backwards. 

Jonghyun swallowed tightly to stay composed. He had never smelled such a strong, appealing alpha scent before. His mouth was nearly watering, and they’d only just met.

“Yes that’s me,” he replied with a weak smile and a polite bow. Jinki didn’t seem to notice anything odd, and bowed quickly in return before gesturing for Jonghyun to come in. 

“I’m Lee Jinki. It’s nice to meet you, I really appreciate you coming over on a weekend like this.”

“Oh, don’t worry, I was happy to,” Jonghyun replied.

Following him inside the apartment, Jinki’s scent only grew stronger. Jonghyun shivered as it rolled off him completely undeterred. It was deep, smokey, and warm, and Jonghyun’s body needed it immediately. 

He screamed internally at himself to keep it together. He was never this affected by random alphas, and at a time when he needed to be the most professional his instincts had decided to betray him. He busied himself with slipping his shoes off by the door as Jinki led him inside.

“Jieun’s in her bedroom playing, but I’ll go get her really quick. Would you like anything to drink?” Jinki offered politely. 

Jonghyun blinked blankly for a second, caught up in the smooth, kind features of Jinki’s face. He was very handsome, and very different than Jonghyun had imagined he would be. 

“No thank you, I’m alright,” Jonghyun said hastily, always finding the social obligations of first-time meetings awkward and unnecessary—and faring even worse when faced with such an attractive conversation partner.

Jinki simply nodded and walked down the hallway to talk to his daughter. With him out of the room Jonghyun was able to take the slightest breath to steady himself. He heard Jinki softly speaking to Jieun as he meandered around the front entrance to the apartment that slowly led into the kitchen area. 

It wasn’t huge, but it was comfortable enough for multiple people to stand in with ease, and a short dining table sat tucked off to the side. The room was just as neat and clean as Jinki’s appearance suggested, but there was a homey, cozy feeling to it all the same. 

The whole apartment was well lit, with wide windows and sheer blue curtains that allowed the late afternoon sun to pour in. In front of the open windows, neat rows of clothing hung on drying racks, and a large TV faced across from the couch. On the walls near the entryway were photos of Jinki smiling that same huge smile Jonghyun had seen at the door, joined by a young girl with an equally bright smile stretching across her face. 

As Jonghyun traveled further into the apartment, he found himself gravitating toward a framed photo on a round side table next to the living room couch.

In the photo, two men stood on opposite sides of Jieun, holding each of her hands and grinning into the camera. One was Jinki, dressed smartly in a navy blue suit. The other man had sharp, sparkling, catlike eyes and a charming smirk. Jonghyun remembered Jinki’s job ad, and the mention of Jieun’s other parent. As he looked at the photo, he was reminded of some of his past boyfriends.

He had seen and known that dangerous kind of handsome before, and it had never turned out well for him, so he couldn’t imagine how it had gone for Jinki.

He was pulled from his thoughts as he heard Jinki’s voice grow louder, followed by the higher pitched chatter of a small child. Jonghyun quickly straightened up to face them as they walked out of Jieun’s room and into the living area. 

“Sorry, I think I got carried away showing myself around,” Jonghyun apologized sheepishly, knees going weak at Jinki’s scent again as he came closer. 

“No worries, you just got a headstart on the tour,” Jinki replied good-naturedly. “This is my daughter,” he continued, gesturing to the young girl Jonghyun had seen in the photos. 

Jieun’s fingertips were colored red and purple with paint, and her cheeks were round and slightly chubby.

“I’m Lee Jieun. I’m eight years old and I like painting and eating ramen before bed even though I’m not supposed to, nice to meet you,” she rattled off her self-introduction with a bow that made the long curtain of her hair fall forward in her eyes.

Jonghyun smiled and kneeled down to get on her level as he spoke to her. “Nice to meet you, Jieun. I’m Kim Jonghyun and I also like to eat ramen before bed, but don’t tell anyone.”

Jieun giggled and looked shyly up at her dad. Jonghyun’s heart bursted with warmth as she smiled. He was reminded of Sodam’s two rowdy boys who he hadn’t seen in months. He felt a tug from deep inside him at the memory; an ache to be surrounded by the comforts of a pack. He stood up self-consciously and tried to push the thought away for the moment. 

“Sorry for the mess, Jieun’s been really into art lately,” Jinki commented, rubbing a hand on the back of his neck.

Jonghyun smiled. “I don’t mind at all. Creativity is great for kids. I remember when I was young and all I wanted to do was sit in my room and play my bass.”

“Oh? Do you study music, then?” Jinki asked politely. “I know you mentioned you were in grad school.”

“I actually study literature, but I’ve always enjoyed playing music, and I still do if I have time,” Jonghyun explained, eyes wandering down to the stray hairs flying around Jieun’s face.

“But, grad student life usually means I don’t,” he continued with a laugh, throwing Jinki a shy smile.

“I can’t imagine. Even undergrad was hard for me,” Jinki replied. 

For a moment, the three of them stood awkwardly in the middle of the room. With no drinks to hold onto for comfort, or seats to naturally fall into, they were at that point in a new conversation when Jonghyun didn’t know what came next or who should initiate it. Jinki’s white and blue striped top fit him so snugly, and Jonghyun became preoccupied with the way the top button was starting to slip out of its loop. 

He gulped, mouth slightly dry. His nose twitched, rediscovering Jinki’s scent for the third time. Jonghyun cleared his throat to mask the blatant whine that had crawled up into his mouth, and thankfully it broke the silence. 

“Ah, I’m sorry. I should give you the rest of the tour and more information about the job,” Jinki said, looking down at Jieun as his sentence trailed off. “You can go back to your room and finish your painting, sweetie.”

Jieun nodded and skipped back down the hall, waving at Jonghyun before she did. 

“I’m a bit scatterbrained, I apologize,” Jinki explained as the tension began to disperse. “This whole thing has been pretty stressful.”

“It’s alright. You just want the best for your daughter, and I’m sure you’ve had some bad experiences trying to find that,” Jonghyun replied. 

Jinki laughed, sounding slightly embarrassed as he agreed. He led them down the hallway as he explained. “You don’t even know the half of it. ‘Wolf caretaker’ isn’t exactly an established career field.”

He stopped in front of a door and gestured inside. “Here’s the bathroom, and across from it is Jieun’s room.”

Jonghyun nodded as he followed, peeking into the bathroom briefly and smiling at Jieun as they walked past her open door. 

“And this is my room,” Jinki continued as they kept walking. “There’s another bathroom inside, and then the laundry is in that closet,” he rattled off the information and gestured to the door at the end of the hall.

“It’s not much, but it works for us.”

Jonghyun laughed, thinking about his one room near the university. “Don’t worry, it definitely impresses someone on a student’s budget.”

Jinki’s face faltered slightly. “Ah, of course. I apologize for being so flippant.”

Jonghyun couldn’t help but smile as Jinki awkwardly stumbled over an apology for his non-mistake. He was charming in the most dorky way, with the careful way he spoke and his embarrassment when his handle on social clues failed. A pink blush spread up from the back of his neck as he looked sheepishly at the floor. 

Jonghyun kept his eyes on that patch of skin as he reassured him. “You don’t have to apologize. I’m living on my own near campus so that it’s easier for me to commute, but if I ever needed to I could move back in with my mom.”

Jinki nodded and brightened up a bit. “Ah, do you have a large pack at home then?”

Jonghyun blushed a little and looked down. “Sort of. There’s my mom, my sister, her wife and two kids. Plus my cousins have always lived nearby…”

“Must have been fun growing up then, with lots of other wolves to play with,” Jinki commented, sounding wistful. His eyes traveled to Jieun’s open bedroom door.

Jonghyun nodded slowly as he thought about it. It _had_ been fun, and very supportive. He had always known that if he needed anything, he would have his sister or his older alpha cousins to help him out. 

“Yeah, it was,” he trailed off, mind turning back to the events of a few years ago, when he’d had to take a break from finishing his undergrad degree and his family was in chaos.

“My dad...he actually passed away a couple of years ago. So, it’s been a little different since then,” Jonghyun explained, voice growing soft. 

“Oh, that’s awful,” Jinki said quietly.

“Sorry, that’s a bit personal for a first meeting isn’t it? Noona always tells me I’m too serious,” Jonghyun blushed. Now it was his turn to be embarrassed. 

“No, not at all. I mean, you read the job posting. We aren’t exactly in a traditional situation,” Jinki replied, warm smile spreading across his face again. 

“Now, I know you already saw the kitchen on your self-guided tour, but if you’re going to be watching Jieun you might want to know where all her favorite snacks are. I think it warrants a second look” Jinki continued, straightening up and flashing another grin as he led Jonghyun back to the front of the apartment. 

Jonghyun beamed at the comment about looking after Jieun. He tried to tone down his smile as he followed behind Jinki, but the real prospect that he might get the job was impossible to keep from his mind. 

“Don’t worry if you don’t know how to cook,” Jinki commented as he showed Jonghyun around the kitchen. “I usually have leftovers on hand, and Jieun fortunately isn’t a picky eater.”

“I’ve tried cooking for my mom and sister before, but it’s never ended very successfully,” Jonghyun admitted, forcing himself not to think about the appealing image of Jinki poised at the stove, the strong line of his back standing tall as he skillfully whipped up a meal.

“How’s that working for you now that you live alone?” Jinki asked with a teasing glint in his eye. The awkwardness from earlier seemed to disappear bit by bit as Jinki became more comfortable. 

“Lots of trips to the convenience store,” Jonghyun answered honestly.

“Well, don’t worry. I always cook too much, so I’m sure there will be enough leftovers for you too.”

Jonghyun’s neck grew hot at the casual comment. It must have been the fact that Jinki’s smell had so easily attracted him, because the thought of being fed everyday by an older, handsome alpha was suddenly all he could focus on. 

He wasn’t usually so susceptible to such instinctual stereotypes, and especially not in response to a stranger, but the urge to bear his neck and look up at Jinki with a pleading look in his eyes was suddenly overwhelming. 

“I-I’m sorry,” Jonghyun interrupted as Jinki was explaining which cabinet the dishes were stored in. “Could we sit down for a second? I think I’m just a little tired.”

A wave of genuine concern washed over Jinki’s face, and it only made matters worse. “Oh, of course. I know this is probably overwhelming. We can keep talking in the living room. Go ahead and head in there and I’ll bring us some water.”

Jonghyun smiled gratefully and walked to the couch. He couldn’t help but wonder if his scent was as strong for Jinki as Jinki’s was for him. He didn’t act like anything was abnormal, and Jonghyun knew that suppressants usually kept it at bay, but the only explanation for his reaction to Jinki was that something hormonal had to be happening.

Jinki sat on the opposite end of the couch, and Jonghyun was thankful for the space. From their positions, Jinki was sitting closest to the framed photo on the side table that Jonghyun had noticed earlier. 

As he drank his water and started to feel less hot, he kept lingering on it. Jieun looked a little younger than she was now, but not by much, and Jinki’s face was only a little thinner. He didn’t know how old Jinki was, but based on appearance alone Jonghyun thought he couldn’t be more than thirty or so, and the photo certainly wasn’t taken eight years ago.

Jinki caught Jonghyun’s stare before he could redirect it back to his water bottle, and Jonghyun blushed. 

“I’m sorry—I’m always too curious,” Jonghyun admitted.

“Ah, that. It’s alright.” Jinki said quietly, following Jonghyun’s gaze and pausing as he stared for a moment. “My ex-husband, Changsun.”

Jinki’s voice was solemn, but absent of any real anger. 

“Did he—?” Jonghyun started, unsure how to phrase it politely. 

“No, nothing like that,” Jinki reassured him with a wispy smile. “You know, I said earlier that this wasn’t the most traditional situation.”

“And I already said that I’m too curious,” Jonghyun replied quietly. “I don’t mind.”

Jinki let out a small laugh, but his eyes were grateful as he shared a look with Jonghyun. It was contemplative and thoughtful. He took a deep breath.

“Changsun and I were friends in high school, and that’s all it was then; just friends. He was a beta, and we all knew how things were supposed to work,” Jinki started, leaning his elbows on his knees and looking at his nails as he talked. 

“In college though, we started to...feel like more than friends. I guess my parents thought I wasn’t putting myself out there enough with omegas and I just wanted the person who was the most familiar to me.”

Jinki rubbed his palms along the tops of his clean, black pants, and looked over at the photo again, staring at it intently as he spoke. 

“Anyway, you can’t help who you fall for, and it just happened to be him. Wolf adoption isn’t exactly looked at favorably in our community, but it doesn’t change the fact that there are orphans out there who need homes, and Jieun was one of them.”

Jonghyun suppressed a soft, sad gasp. It was true, the idea that orphaned wolves could and did exist was contrary to all the beliefs of their community—that packs were for life, and finding a bondmate and family to keep that intact was essential for survival. Actual survival wasn’t truly at stake anymore in the modern world, but wolves were nothing if not stubborn and irrational.

He’d heard of wolf orphanages before, or even worse; wolf kids who were grouped in with the humans in regular orphanages, neglected by caretakers who didn’t know what to do with rapidly changing hormonal cycles and spontaneous transformations.

Jonghyun swallowed tightly, trying not to cry just thinking about it. 

“He wasn’t ready to be a father. Even as much as we talked about it, as much as we planned and fought for it, he couldn’t do it. It’s not because he wasn’t an omega or anything like that. It’s like, it just wasn’t meant to be,” Jinki continued. He let out a sigh and lifted his head. 

“I guess I keep the picture there just so Jieun doesn’t forget him. He still loved her, I think. Or at least, I hope.”

There was a heavy pause as Jinki finished the story and waited for Jonghyun’s reaction. He felt the familiar prick of tears at the edge of his eyelids and wiped them away quickly, embarrassed at becoming emotional over a story that wasn’t his own to be emotional over.

Jinki just gave another comforting smile, and Jonghyun tried to shoot one back. 

“I think I officially win the award today for being ‘too personal,’” Jinki joked and it easily breached the silence as Jonghyun’s nerves bubbled into laughter. He sniffled the last of his tears and managed to nod. 

“I won’t argue with that.”

“Well, now that I’ve made you cry...can you start on Monday?”

Jonghyun burst into giggles again, the laughter erupting all the way from his belly up to his lips. He could feel nervous sweat dripping down his back, and the stained streaks of dried tears freshly imprinted on his skin, but he also felt light. It was definitely the most unusual job interview he’d had, but undoubtedly the most promising. 

At the door, as Jinki was about to walk him out, Jonghyun remembered another detail from the job ad. 

“You know, if you ever need it, I could always help tutor Jieun. In reading and writing, of course. I don’t think I’d be any use with math,” Jonghyun said, rubbing his hand on his neck sheepishly.

“That’s okay, I wouldn’t ask that of you...I know you have your own life,” Jinki replied politely, but Jonghyun saw the glint of hope in his eyes.

“Don’t worry about it. I would be happy to do it,” Jonghyun said, flashing his best version of a charming smile. 

The one that Jinki flashed back was nearly identical to the smile that had greeted Jonghyun at the door just a couple hours earlier, except this one was twinged with a hint of familiarity that shot right at Jonghyun’s heart.

Jonghyun bowed politely as he left, and as soon as the door was closed behind him, he leaned against the opposite wall with a shaky sigh. He could still smell lingering notes of Jinki’s scent, warm and bright and unapologetic.  


  
\---

  


Jonghyun rubbed the sleep out of his eyes as he stared blankly at the dark green Starbucks menu early Monday morning. At seven-fifteen AM, there were no other coffee shops in Jinki’s neighborhood open, but Jonghyun still had the bizarre urge to buy a drink for him before arriving for his first day.

The longer he mulled over the menu, the more ridiculous his idea became. He had no idea if Jinki even liked coffee, let alone what kind of coffee he preferred. As he approached the cashier, he settled on a standard iced americano, and sent out a plea to the universe that Jinki would like it. 

The last thing he needed to be doing was devising plans to win over his new boss in something more than a professional sense, but buying coffee didn’t have to mean anything. Jonghyun continued to reiterate that to himself as the barista called out his order.

It wasn’t any different than buying coffee for his thesis advisor before an important meeting, or for a favorite professor when he visited their office for a chat. It was just to break the ice; to be polite and thoughtful, and nothing more. 

Jonghyun walked the short distance from the cafe to Jinki’s apartment, nerves fluttering in his stomach at the prospect of seeing him again. He tried to push them down, but all he could think about was Jinki’s kind smile and the pull of his scent. 

The early morning light had just begun to peek through the clouds, and the slight chill in the air was brisk but refreshing. It was nearly perfect weather in Jonghyun’s mind, and he tried to take it as a sign that the day would go well. 

He took a deep breath before ringing the doorbell, clearing his mind of any thoughts beyond doing his job.

When Jinki opened the door, the smile that broke across his face was enough to send Jonghyun’s heart tumbling out of his chest and into his stomach. Before he could even get a greeting out, his own lips twitched into a grin. He couldn’t help it; there was something about Jinki that immediately made it so easy to be comfortable. 

“Ah—I wasn’t sure what kind of coffee you liked, but I stopped by Starbucks on the way here, so I thought I’d pick you up something before work,” Jonghyun rambled, already blushing at his silly idea.

Jinki ushered him in gratefully. 

“Oh, you didn’t have to go to the trouble,” he said, looking somewhat burdened by the favor. “But, I really appreciate it. I don’t always get a chance to have a coffee before I get to the office. And there we only have the vending machine ones that leave a lot to be desired.”

Jonghyun nodded along, holding out the cup to Jinki. “I sort of figured. My sister used to work in sales at a makeup company, so I’ve heard the horror stories.”

“It’s not all bad,” Jinki said. “But, coffee from a cafe always tastes better than anything else. So, really, thank you.”

“It’s no problem,” Jonghyun shyly responded, taken aback by Jinki’s sincerity. 

As Jinki sipped his drink and they ventured into the living room, Jonghyun caught sight of Jieun stretched out on the floor drawing in front of the TV. A cartoon played on low volume in the background as her pencil scratched methodically on the paper. 

“She usually likes to sleep in, but she woke up early today,” Jinki explained fondly. “She’s not a difficult kid, so you shouldn’t have any problems, but if you ever need to contact me I wrote down my cell and work number here.”

Jinki reached over and picked up a slip of paper from the couch side table, handing it to Jonghyun. His handwriting was neat and pretty, perfect little rows of syllables and numbers. Jonghyun nodded in understanding, but all he could focus on was the knowledge that he now had Jinki’s personal phone number. 

Jinki crouched down to talk to Jieun, so Jonghyun pocketed the paper and tried to pay attention. The numbers felt like they were burning a hole in his pants, and his eyes kept wandering to the strong, broad stretch of Jinki’s back in his crisp dress shirt. 

“Anyway, I’ll be heading out now, and I should be back around one-thirty or earlier,” Jinki’s voice pulled Jonghyun out of his daze. 

Jonghyun scrambled to bow and politely say his goodbyes, still too focused on the clean lines of Jinki’s face, and the lingering notes of his smell that he caught whiffs of every time he moved. 

“Enjoy your day. Don’t drink too much vending machine coffee,” Jonghyun teased, feeling brave.

Jinki laughed in surprise, blushing like he had when they’d first met. Jonghyun’s heart rate kicked up.

“I’ll be sure to heed the warning,” Jinki said, flashing another bright smile before taking his leave. “Goodbye, and thank you again.”

As the door clicked shut, Jonghyun started to come back to earth. His cheeks hurt from smiling so much, and already his underarms were sticky with nervous sweat. He sighed and turned around to face Jieun, who was still immersed in her drawing. Jonghyun swallowed and walked up to crouch down next to her. 

There was no reason to be anxious about making a good first impression on a child, but Jonghyun still felt the awkward jitters all the same. Jieun didn’t seem to notice as she greeted him with a polite ‘hello’ and a smile. 

“What are you drawing there?” Jonghyun asked, watching the intent sharp lines of her pencil as she sketched. 

“I saw a stray cat outside yesterday, so I’m drawing him,” Jieun explained matter-of-factly, shading in the cat’s fur with a brown colored pencil.

“Ah, very cute,” Jonghyun commented, racking his brain for things that he probably needed to do on his first day of babysitting. “Have you had breakfast yet?” he decided on asking.

Jieun smirked and looked up at him. “Dad told me you don’t know how to cook, so he already made me some before you got here.”

Jonghyun’s mouth popped open in shock, laughing alongside Jieun as she began to giggle. His heart fluttered at the idea of Jinki talking about him when he wasn’t there—even if it was to tease him about his lack of cooking skills. 

“Wow, I guess I can’t deny it now that the truth is out,” Jonghyun said.

Jieun laughed again, and her eyes crinkled up endearingly. It was sweet, and Jonghyun felt that inexplicable pull again; the hormonal desire to comfort and care for a child. He shook his head briefly to clear it. He tried to push his thoughts in another direction, and he remembered from their last meeting that Jieun was interested in painting.

“You should show me your paintings today,” Jonghyun encouraged, gesturing to her nearly finished drawing.

Jieun giggled and nodded shyly. “Well, I haven’t done a lot…”

“That’s okay,” Jonghyun said. “I can’t draw at all, so it will impress me no matter what!”

Jieun laughed again and looked up at Jonghyun with a more hopeful smile. She put down her pencils and tugged at his hoodie sleeve. “Okay, let’s go and I’ll show you.”

Jonghyun smiled and followed her into her bedroom. Her room was much cleaner than Jonghyun expected a young child’s space to be. In the corner, her small bed was made up neatly with pink and red flower-patterned bedsheets, and stuffed animals were lined up along the connecting wall. Art supplies and stacks of paper were piled up on a little white table in the center of the room, and in the far corner near her bed was a wooden desk and pink chair.

“This is my room…” Jieun started shyly, glancing up at Jonghyun for a second as if searching for his approval. 

Jonghyun smiled and sat down at the white table. “Is this your workspace? You know, every artist needs a studio.”

Jieun smiled and sat down on her knees opposite him. She started filing through the stack of mostly unfinished paintings and drawings. “I thought you didn’t know how to draw?”

“I don’t, but I make music. That’s art too, don’t you think?”

“I guess so,” Jieun mumbled with a thoughtful expression, like she hadn’t really considered it before.

She pulled out a colorful piece of paper from the bottom of the stack. She had painted herself and Jinki outside of their apartment building, holding hands underneath a big rainbow. The perspective wasn’t all there yet, but the faces were more detailed and expressive than a simple stick figure sketch.

Jonghyun was impressed. “Wow, you’re like a real professional,” he said, reaching out to touch the streaks of colorful paint she had used to do the rainbow.

She looked away shyly with a smirk, and Jonghyun laughed. He remembered similar feelings from when he was a kid too. When adults gave him compliments he would bloom with confidence, in spite of the awkwardness that came with showing off newly developing parts of himself.

Jieun pulled another one out of the stack and showed it to Jonghyun. It was also a painting of her and her father, but this time they were standing along the shoreline of a beach. 

“Last year we went to Busan,” she commented as an explanation. 

She had colored the ocean in swirling patterns of blue and purple, giving it more depth than Jonghyun could’ve managed to bring out at her age. He raised an impressed eyebrow again.

“I really like how you did the water,” he said, running his finger along the thicker strokes which indicated the dynamic movements of waves. 

“Thank you,” Jieun replied with another shy smile.

“Can I look through more of them?” Jonghyun asked, pointing to her neatly organized pile. “I don’t want to mess up your filing system.”

Jieun laughed and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear self-consciously. “It’s okay, but...a lot of them aren’t done…”

“The process is just as important as the result,” Jonghyun assured her, reaching for the top few pieces of paper. 

As he began to leaf through the collection of brief sketches, detailed drawings, and half-finished paintings, Jonghyun noticed a common theme. For a large majority of the pieces, Jieun had drawn her and Jinki, or just herself. Occasionally, he happened upon scenes from the landscape outside of the apartment, or drawings of her stuffed animals, but there were no other people. No other wolves. 

He tried not to show an obvious frown, not wanting Jieun to think she had done something wrong. Jinki’s job ad had mentioned that he and Jieun were disconnected from the wolf community, but Jonghyun hadn’t realized how much so. 

Jieun was only eight years old, but in a few years she would likely start to show more obvious signs of presenting as an omega. When Jonghyun was that age, playing with other wolves was the second most fun activity besides playing his bass. It was especially fun to transform and wrestle each other—until someone’s mom scolded them, of course. He couldn’t imagine not having that. 

Jieun fidgeted after Jonghyun had neglected to say anything for a while. He blinked rapidly, coming back to his senses. 

“These are really great,” He assured her, trying to stack them back up in the same fashion they had been before. “You could grow up to be a webtoon creator, or even an illustrator for books!”

Jieun laughed and looked down. “If you say so..” 

“I know so,” Jonghyun said.

“I can draw you a picture if you want,” Jieun offered after a moment. 

“Oh, really?” Jonghyun encouraged. “How much do you charge? I’m not made of money…”

Jieun laughed and shook her head. “No, silly. It will be free.”

“A special discount for your new favorite customer?” Jonghyun said, a smile curling up his face.

“Sure,” Jieun replied, picking up a new sheet of paper and spreading out her tray of watercolor paints. “Just sit still so I can make it look like you.”

Jonghyun laughed and nodded. “Ah, suddenly I’m drafted into a modeling job.”

“Shhh, you can’t talk either,” Jieun scolded him, smirking to herself. Jonghyun giggled but nodded solemnly.

“Yes, teacher,” he teased, before miming zipping his lips shut and throwing away the key.

Jieun giggled and got to work, an intense look on her face as she drew a rough sketch of a face, and then started to fill it in with swaths of color. Jonghyun couldn’t help his smile as he watched her, remembering being that age and being so carefree. All he had wanted back then was to be in a band, to play around with his sister and his cousins, and to make his dad proud. 

He imagined Jieun had many of the same feelings. Watching her stick her tongue out slightly in concentration as she painted reminded Jonghyun of how special it was to grow up. It was a time when you were relatively safe and able to find out small things about yourself everyday that would eventually grow to encompass a large part of who you were. He wondered if one day, Jieun really would become a popular webtoon artist, children’s book illustrator, or professional artist.

He imagined years in the future, scrolling through newly updated webtoons on a long train ride, and a familiar art style catching his eye. He imagined looking up the artist, and seeing the same smile he had met years ago, by chance on a babysitting job.

For about twenty minutes, they sat in a comfortable silence. Jonghyun leaned on his elbow and watched fondly as Jieun glanced up at him, and then down at the paper. She squinted her eyes and knit her brows together as she neared the end, mixing two colors together to make a colorful background. 

“There,” Jieun said definitively once she had painted her last stroke. “It’s done!”

Jonghyun pretended to unzip his mouth, making a big show of gasping for air and coughing; flailing his arms and acting like he was going to pass out. Jieun started giggling and shook her head.

“You’re silly!”

“Ah—teacher, thank you! I’m honored to receive this gift!” he proclaimed dramatically, standing up and bowing at a deep angle.

Jieun just continued to howl with laughter, getting up and pushing at Jonghyun’s leg to protest his antics. 

“You’re just pretending!” she insisted, pushing him more to try and make him fall down. 

Jonghyun continued playing, falling down immediately when she pushed him and throwing a hand over his face in defeat. 

“You got me,” he admitted, smiling through his fingers at her as she plopped down next to him. “Let me see the painting up close again.”

Jieun pushed more stray hairs out of her face and reached over to the table to pick up the paper. She had drawn his eyes much larger than his face, but there was something vulnerable and revealing about them all the same. They looked bright and wide, but tinged with a distant sadness. 

Jonghyun bit back the urge to laugh incredulously. Children were so much more perceptive than adults, and somehow she had seen deep into him without even realizing it.

He smiled and reached out to fluff her hair playfully. “Thank you, but now I have to return the favor.”

Jieun’s eyebrows scrunched up in confusion. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Jonghyun glanced at the light maple-colored desk in the corner of the room where stacks of books and papers were arranged in the same dutiful, organized way that Jieun’s paintings had been. 

“I told your dad that I’d help you with your studying,” Jonghyun explained. “And if we start now, we can get done quicker!”

Jieun sighed, clearly not partial to the idea. “I wish I didn’t have to..”

Jonghyun nodded in understanding. He knew from experience that a majority of wolf kids had the same attitude. Even Jonghyun, with his love of literature, had struggled to sit still and concentrate during tests in elementary school, and had to rely on Sodam’s help with homework on more than one occasion. 

“I know, but I promise I’m a really good teacher,” Jonghyun coaxed, standing up to walk over to the desk. He pulled out the bright pink chair and plopped down.

Jieun narrowed her eyes, clearly skeptical. “Says who?”

“Says me! I’m studying to become a professor,” Jonghyun said, spinning around in the desk chair playfully. 

Jieun’s eyebrows shot up at that, like she didn’t even know that was possible. “Really?”

Jonghyun laughed. “Yeah, so I’m the best of the best.”

Jieun seemed to sit with the thought for a moment, small hand propped up on her chin and a thoughtful look crossing over her face. After a moment of contemplative silence, she gave a curt nod. 

“Okay, you can be my teacher.”

  


  
\---

  


At first, Jieun had been less than enthusiastic to start on her Korean work for the day, but once Jonghyun had used her weekly vocab words to make up a short story about a young girl who owned a pet shop, she brightened up and finished her last worksheet in record time.

As eleven o’clock approached, Jonghyun heard Jieun’s stomach growl while she reorganized her books. 

“Why don’t we check out the leftovers?” he suggested. “You’ve worked hard today.”

Jieun shyly grinned and hopped up from her chair. 

In the kitchen, Jonghyun successfully remembered which cabinets stored which type of dishes, and after a cursory glance in the fridge he found a large pot of beef and radish soup. After clicking on the burner to reheat it, he turned to the rice cooker. 

“Now, _this_ I know how to do,” Jonghyun assured Jieun with a playful smile. 

She laughed and kicked her legs at the dining room table, still overly amused at his lack of cooking skills. 

Once the soup was hot again, the rice was ready, and he’d fished the container of kimchi out of the fridge, Jonghyun prepared their bowls and plopped down across from Jieun at the table. 

“Thank you for the meal,” Jieun said sweetly, grinning up at Jonghyun before taking a bite. 

Jonghyun smiled back and sipped at his first spoonful. He hummed appreciatively at the first taste of the broth, and took another huge bite. This wasn’t even one of his favorite soups, but somehow Jinki had managed to make it taste amazing. The broth was simple yet flavorful, and the beef was tender and juicy. 

Jonghyun blushed, keeping his eyes down in his bowl. It was nothing but a good meal—that Jinki had cooked more for Jieun than anyone else—but Jonghyun couldn’t help the way his feelings stirred in his chest.

Once Jieun had cleaned her bowl and finished all her rice, Jonghyun suggested cartoons on the couch as the lazy afternoon sun began to shine through the window. Falling into the cushions, Jonghyun realized how tired he was. 

He hadn’t expected to feel so beat when the most strenuous thing he’d done was look through elementary level Korean grammar books, but as the TV volume droned on, and Jieun curled into his side with fingers grasping his sleeve, Jonghyun’s eyes began to slip closed.

The beep of the apartment keypad and Jinki’s voice calling Jieun’s name to announce his arrival woke Jonghyun up with a start. He blearily rubbed the heel of his palm against one eye and blinked around, dazed. The sun was beating in bright through the window, and Jieun’s head was almost in his lap. They had to have been asleep for an hour at least.

“Did I disturb you?” he heard Jinki’s kind voice teasing. 

Jonghyun blushed, embarrassed out of his mind to be caught sleeping on the job. “I’m sorry, I must have dozed off.”

Jinki smiled and shook his hand in dismissal. “No worries, I just hope Jieun didn’t tire you out too much.”

Jonghyun sat up straighter, and Jieun slowly began to wake up—hair in disarray and eyes still mostly shut with sleep. Jinki waved at her playfully, and Jonghyun nearly melted at how precious it was. 

“No, it’s alright. I’m just trying to wake myself up,” Jonghyun explained, shifting so Jieun could stretch. “Waking up from a nap in the middle of the day...it’s an odd feeling.”

“Like coming back from a trip to another world,” Jinki agreed, circling the couch to scoop Jieun up in his arms and plant a kiss on her cheek. 

Jieun grumbled, still half-asleep, but she happily curled into Jinki’s chest as he wrapped his arms around her.

“Yeah, it really is like that,” Jonghyun said, charmed by Jinki’s unique answer. 

It didn’t help his budding crush that Jinki looked so _right_ , holding Jieun by the back of her head and stroking slowly to lull her back to sleep. The sleeves of his shirt were rolled up, exposing the tight stretch of his forearm muscles. A burst of want bloomed in Jonghyun’s chest, and he forced himself to look away. He picked at his nails awkwardly, thinking about how Jinki’s hands looked so much smaller than his own. 

“How did the day go?” Jinki asked quietly, leaning closer to Jonghyun to initiate the conversation, but still rubbing circles along Jieun’s back.

“It was great. She painted a picture of me, and we worked on some Korean assignments,” Jonghyun said. 

Jinki perked up. “Oh wow, thank you. I know I already said it, but you don’t have to do that.”

Jonghyun shrugged and smiled. “Don’t worry, I enjoy it. Besides, I can’t even imagine how difficult it is to homeschool, especially being a single parent.”

He blushed a little as he said it, not meeting Jinki’s eyes. He wasn’t sure what was too personal of a topic; what was off limits. 

“It is hard,” Jinki admitted. “When Changsun was still here, it was easier because he would teach Jieun during the day while I was at work. That way, in the evenings we could spend time together, but of course now that’s all changed.”

Jinki’s voice dropped a bit, and Jonghyun looked over. His eyes were guarded and sad, similar to the first time he’d talked about his ex. There was a deep wound there that Jonghyun didn’t think had fully healed. He resisted the urge to reach out and touch him. 

Jonghyun blurted out his first thought. “Why not send her to regular school?” 

He blushed when Jinki looked up, eyes still serious. 

“Sorry, I’m being too curious again,” he apologized.

Jinki shook his head and looked down, stroking Jieun’s hair again as he sat in thought. “It’s okay, I don’t mind talking about it.”

“It’s weird, you know? With other wolves, and especially with non-wolves. We don’t seem to fit with either group, so I’ve just always kept her here with me,” Jinki explained, eyebrows knitting together. “It’s just—even at a private wolf academy, they’d ask about our family and pack history. A lot of times they even want to see proof of lineage. It’s awkward.”

Jonghyun nodded solemnly, his heart growing heavy as he imagined a troubled Jinki simply trying to find the best education for his daughter, but being shamed and turned away. 

“I had no idea it was like that,” Jonghyun said dumbly, looking at his hands again. 

“It’s alright, most people don’t,” Jinki replied, resigned like he was used to it by now. “At least my job understands our situation, and has given me flexibility with my schedule. I don’t know how I’d do it without that.”

Jinki’s usual bright smile was back, but behind his eyes he seemed like he was somewhere faraway; a place Jonghyun wouldn’t know or couldn’t understand.

Jonghyun’s phone suddenly buzzed in his pocket, and he pulled it out to see a message from Kibum about their study plans that night. The clock read a quarter to two, and Jonghyun would need to leave soon to get to his class. 

“I’m sorry to leave suddenly, but I probably need to head out to make it to my class,” Jonghyun said sheepishly, embarrassed after the heavy tone of their discussion.

“No need to apologize,” Jinki began, making a move to stand up and see Jonghyun out, before remembering that Jieun was still clinging to him in her sleepy state. He lowered his voice. “I’ll see you tomorrow, and thanks again.”

Jonghyun smiled in response and bowed politely as he left. 

Once secluded in the elevator, Jonghyun pressed his sweaty forehead to the cool metal paneling and breathed in and out. His phone buzzed in his pocket again, but he ignored it in favor of imagining Jinki’s gentle hands running through his hair as he lulled him into a peaceful sleep the same way he had done to Jieun.  


  



	2. Two

  


  


After one week of working as Jieun’s caretaker, Jonghyun took his friends out for drinks and dinner with his new 500,000 won paycheck.

They were at the wolf-owned restaurant in the nightlife neighborhood near the university—one that was always packed on weekends with rowdy undergrads and older wolves alike. Jonghyun pushed through the crowd near the door, a mix of stylishly dressed humans and furry, fully transformed wolf bodies, until he reached the table where Kibum and Minho were sitting.

“Having a crush on your boss…” Kibum mused after Jonghyun had shared the details of his week, surveying the menu with a pensive look. “Honestly, I’m surprised it hasn’t happened before. It suits you, hyung.”

Jonghyun scowled and looked down at the table. Kibum was a year younger than him, but he was an alpha who never missed the chance to tease his friends. 

“The perfect cliche romance,” he continued, not letting Jonghyun off that easily. 

“Well, I don’t think it will have the cliche happy ending, anyway,” Jonghyun said, whining a little.

After one week of looking after Jieun, Jonghyun’s persistent infatuation with Jinki had only continued to grow. It didn’t help that he was caught in the habit of picking up a coffee for Jinki nearly every morning just to see that grateful smile bloom across his face, or that Jinki always chatted with him for way too long after he got home from work; as if he didn’t want to stop.

It also didn’t help that Jieun was so charming, sweet, and easily lovable. 

Kibum nodded decisively and snapped the menu shut, pressing the service bell to ring for the waiter. Jonghyun rolled his eyes. That was another one of Kibum’s persistent alpha-like habits—taking it upon himself to order for everyone even if he wasn’t the one paying. 

After placing the order, Kibum leaned further across the table to nudge Jonghyun’s arm. 

“Cheer up, you should be proud of yourself.”

Jonghyun nodded, eyes on his hands as he studied a stubborn hangnail that had appeared the night before. He supposed he should be grateful that his advisor wasn’t too hard on him, that he was able to juggle pursuing his degree and a job at the same time, and that he had a supportive family and friends if things spiraled out of control. He _should_ be proud of himself, especially after everything that had happened over the past couple of years.

But, in the back of his mind, there was still something missing. It was that little something that he had never allowed himself to pay much attention to, but that was now emerging with a force stronger than he had imagined.

“Besides, you never know what could happen,” Minho chimed in from Kibum’s side. “He is a single parent, after all.”

“Don’t encourage him,” Kibum said, lightly swatting Minho’s arm. 

Minho just ignored it and winked at Jonghyun reassuringly. “I mean you managed to charm Kibum into sleeping with you on the day you met, so anything is possible.”

Kibum sent a piercing glare his way, but Minho just erupted into his usual boisterous laughter. It managed to loosen Jonghyun’s shoulders a little, and by the time their food and drinks arrived, he had settled into the night a little easier.

“Hey, is this seat taken?” Taemin’s voice cut through the loud chatter of the other restaurant patrons. Jonghyun was in the middle of begrudgingly pouring Kibum his drink. After bickering about whether age or wolf status was a more important factor in who poured for whom, Kibum had insisted they just take turns, with Jonghyun going first. 

“No, but there’s only room for one more,” Kibum replied after throwing back his drink, eyes narrowing as he searched the general vicinity around Taemin.

“Relax, Jongin couldn’t make it tonight. He’s practicing for an audition,” Taemin replied, squeezing into the booth on Kibum and Minho’s side. “Now, pour me a drink, Jonghyun-hyung.”

“Seriously? You couldn’t sit on his side? The one where there’s actually room?” Kibum continued, jostling irritably in between Minho’s big frame and Taemin’s grabby hands reaching for a bowl of rice. 

“No,” Taemin said with a smirk. “And, it’s what you get for meddling in my dating life.”

“I just think Jongin is weird. I don’t trust betas—and that includes you.” Kibum said, purposely bumping Taemin’s shoulder as he reached for the soju bottle. “But don’t worry, I have a new dating life to be invested in anyway.”

Taemin perked up at that, and his eyes fell on Jonghyun. “Oh, finally?”

“It’s not like that,” Jonghyun said, already feeling a blush coloring his cheeks. “He’s a single dad, and I’m the babysitter.”

“Wow, that is classic you, hyung,” Taemin said with a laugh, leaning forward to take the drink that Jonghyun had eventually poured. “Always going after the one you can’t have.”

“Thanks for the reminder,” Jonghyun grumbled, but Taemin’s face had softened slightly after he’d made his joke. He reached out to touch Jonghyun’s hand. 

“Hey, there’s no harm in trying though, right?” he said, voice pitching a little lower with a tilt of his head. 

Jonghyun nodded, and gave Taemin a small smile. He had always been a bit of a brat, and he saw through Jonghyun like glass, but sometimes that was a good thing. 

“I think it’s fate,” Minho said, face already turning a light shade of pink. “Think about it. A wolf who is a single dad, and then Jonghyun-hyung finally going back to school to pursue his dream. It’s like you’re both getting a second chance.”

Jonghyun blushed and looked down. Kibum was already fussing over Minho with a glass of water and a napkin to wipe up the soup smeared across his chin, and Taemin had a mysterious glint in his eye from behind his second shot of soju.

He didn’t want to admit to how good that sounded, but in the hollow part of his heart it rang true and clear, loud as a bell.

  


  
\---

  


In the kitchen, Jonghyun chopped up a block of cheese into slightly uneven rectangular pieces as Jieun watched, amused, from the dining room table. It was a Wednesday, and Jieun had finished her schoolwork early. Jonghyun had promised a short shopping trip once she’d finished, feeling the mid-week drag like a sluggishness that had seeped into his bones.

In the morning, Jinki had hovered in the doorway five minutes before leaving for work. 

“You’ll be late,” Jonghyun had teased. 

“Manager Park can wait a few minutes,” Jinki had said, clutching to his iced Americano that Jonghyun had once again dutifully purchased. “Jieun told me you were studying to be a literature professor.”

Jonghyun had blinked slowly, cheeks heating up. “Ah—it sounds silly suddenly.”

“No way,” Jinki reassured him quickly. “I just think—uh. It suits you, that’s all.” 

Jinki had faltered, glancing at his feet before looking back up to catch Jonghyun’s eyes. The tips of his ears were pink, and it was a sight that Jonghyun had slowly been getting used to. 

“Thank you,” Jonghyun had practically whispered, unsure what to do with himself, unsure what to think when faced with Jinki’s shy, sweet demeanor. 

“Of course, you’re welcome,” Jinki had said, only blushing further before bowing quickly and saying his goodbyes. “Uh, I’d better head out. Good luck today, with Jieun and with your class later.”

As the door had clicked shut, Jonghyun had caught a whiff of Jinki’s scent again. It was stronger than usual, more pronounced and heightened, with an edge of sweetness that wasn’t usually there.

Jonghyun had been replaying the moment in his mind all morning, overanalyzing it from every angle and then giving up once he realized his foolishness. He couldn’t stop remembering the way Jinki had blushed and stumbled through the compliment. The way his scent had changed. 

“I wanna go shopping,” Jieun’s voice broke him from his daydream, and Jonghyun looked down to find his pile of mismatched cheese pieces ready for assembly. He grinned and began skewering them on toothpicks, separated by the chewy rice cakes he had already cooked. 

“Even the view of Mount Keumgang should wait until after a meal,” Jonghyun recited the proverb easily, suddenly feeling years above his age. 

Jieun laughed, eyebrows scrunching up in confusion. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Jonghyun placed the two cheese and tteok snacks he’d made into the hot pan. “It means that even if you have something really fun or special that you want to do, eating will always come first.”

He leaned over the counter top to gently bop Jieun on the nose, then looked down into the pan, moving the skewers slightly. “My dad used to say that to me all the time. Up until I was in college, actually.” 

It was quiet for a moment, and Jonghyun flipped the two skewers over to cook the opposite side. The cheese was starting to melt and bubble. 

“Not anymore?” 

Jieun was perceptive. Jonghyun had realized it from the moment she’d drawn his eyes with such profound emotion that he couldn’t express in words, and had learned it more and more each day. She was asking a question that she had already halfway guessed the answer to.

He took the cheese and tteok skewers off the pan and placed each on a different plate, handing one over to Jieun. She blew on it diligently to cool it down. 

“He got sick when I went to the military,” Jonghyun replied, watching her gingerly bite into the first chewy rice cake. “He was alright for a while, just kind of weak...but a few days after I was discharged he passed away.”

Jieun nibbled at her snack, looking down and chewing in relative silence. Jonghyun’s own skewer was likely going cold—crisp brown edges of the toasted cheese turning soggy and burnt.

“I’m sorry,” Jieun whispered, only looking a little uncomfortable in the way young children always did if something they didn’t quite understand entered their world.

“It’s alright, it’s been a while now,” Jonghyun replied.

There was still a deep and empty feeling in his chest that could never really go away, but Jieun didn’t need to know that yet. 

A beat of silence passed, with Jieun eating her snack, and Jonghyun watching her. Jonghyun had always been the type to hold his more tender feelings close, but when he was encouraged to spill them out even a little, everything came rushing forward in an unstoppable wave. 

It was a different experience to be faced with a conversation partner so much younger and more naive towards life than he could remember being. He wondered how Jinki felt; if sometimes the weight of what he wanted to say held down his tongue. He wondered if he ever felt lonely.

“Are you going to eat yours?” Jieun asked tentatively, looking down at Jonghyun’s still full plate. 

He wrinkled his nose playfully, trying to shake off the memories. He thought of Jinki doing the same, having to transition smoothly from the messier parts of life to the standard daily routine when Jieun was ready to move on. 

“I think it’s cold now,” he said, picking up the skewer to demonstrate how stiff the cheese looked. “And it’s time to get going, anyway.”

“Even the view of Mount Keumgang should wait until after a meal,” Jieun recited instantly. “You’ll get hungry later.”

Jonghyun stood stunned for a moment, and then started laughing until his shoulders shook with it. Jieun’s giggles soon followed, tumbling out and booming around them in a chorus. Jonghyun shook his head incredulously. Jieun had once again surprised him with her insight, and he didn’t think it would be the last time she did. He obediently started in on his snack.

  


  
\---

  


Jonghyun stood outside of Jinki’s apartment, staring at the unassuming eggshell white of the door which matched all the others that lined the hall.

It should’ve been nothing unusual, but the deep orange of the sunset fading outside when Jonghyun had arrived was so shockingly different than the view of the sun rising in the mornings that he might have been in another world. 

The day before, Jonghyun had been elongating his and Jinki’s usual post-work chat, pushing it further and further. It had gotten to the point where Jonghyun slipped in a few minutes late to his classes each day, always avoiding the raised eyebrow of the professor. 

Jinki never seemed to mind.

“I meant to tell you before, but you’re a great cook,” Jonghyun had stumbled over the remark, having suddenly felt the urge to be honest. 

He’d been thinking of the soybean paste stew Jinki had saved for Jieun’s lunch that day, and the way it reminded him of his mother’s cooking. He tried not to let all of those thoughts out. 

Jinki had brightened. “That’s just the leftovers. You should taste it fresh.”

Jonghyun had been unable to keep the blush from his cheeks, as usual. It was becoming easier to tease and joke around with Jinki, but there was still an inevitable wall between them. Jonghyun spent hours in his home every single day, but he inhabited the domestic space as more of an onlooker than anything. 

“I bet it’s even better,” Jonghyun had said, trying to keep the regret from his voice. 

Jinki had looked thoughtful, as the clocked ticked closer and closer to the two-thirty mark, and Jonghyun prepared to squeeze into the only empty seat in his classroom—always right between the same two students who never appreciated his sheepish apologies. 

“You could come over tomorrow for dinner,” Jinki had blurted out. “I mean—if you want to. It’s the weekend, so I thought it could be nice.”

Jonghyun had froze, hand on the door handle and heart in his throat. “Um,”

“Sorry, is that weird?” Jinki blushed and looked away, palm on the back of his neck. 

“No, it’s not weird,” Jonghyun said, dropping his hand from the door handle with his heart fluttering. “I—I’d love to come.”

Jinki’s smile had bloomed big and lovely as always, and once again the sharp sweetness of his scent came through. Like a switch being turned on, Jonghyun’s smile immediately mirrored it. 

It had become so natural, to fall right into the curve of that smile; to keep going until his imagination spiraled out of control. It was too easy to think about Jinki pulling him in close, and tasting the smile that he always brought out of him.

Now, standing outside of the familiar door, Jonghyun could think of nothing but the nerves tied tight in a ball in his stomach. He rang the doorbell. 

Jinki had dressed up for the occasion, something beyond his plain business-casual work attire. Jonghyun hadn’t been expecting that; the smooth styled waves of Jinki’s dark brown hair, the crisp fit of his patterned shirt, and the accompanying soft cardigan. 

“Hi,” Jonghyun said, breathless. 

“Jieun’s excited to see you,” Jinki remarked, and Jonghyun bit back his immediate response. 

_Are you?_

Jonghyun followed the sway of Jinki’s hips into the kitchen. Dark tailored jeans brought his natural shape into relief: broad shoulders, a slim waist, and the perfect curve of his ass. Jonghyun took a deep breath. As they entered the kitchen, he nearly fell into Jinki when he stopped short at the counter. 

Jonghyun’s hands faltered, hovering too close to his shoulders. He dropped them quickly, the heat from Jinki’s body coupled with his scent still clinging to Jonghyun’s skin. 

“Ah, sorry,” he apologized, voice fading when Jinki turned to meet his eyes. 

“You’re fine,” Jinki replied, handing him a tray filled with banchan dishes. “Want to take this to the table?”

Jonghyun graciously took the opportunity, feeling Jinki’s eyes on him as he followed with the main dish. Suddenly self-conscious about his own attempt at dressing up, Jonghyun wondered how his black jeans filled him out from behind, and if Jinki was paying any attention. 

“You do this for all your babysitters?” Jonghyun asked, a burst of bravery hitting him as he and Jinki casually set the table.

Jinki laughed and flashed him a grin, a playful glint in his eye. “Hm, what do you mean?” 

“You know, cook for them, invite them over for dinner,” Jonghyun said, circling the table to lean on the edge closest to Jinki. “Get dressed up.”

Jinki blushed then, not quite meeting Jonghyun’s eyes as he finished arranging the pot of kimchi jjigae in the center of the table. Jonghyun knew he was likely pushing it with his flirting, but Jinki had been the one to extend the dinner invitation, after all. 

“Just you,” Jinki replied, looking up through his lashes. Jonghyun’s breath caught in his throat.

They were standing close. It would be so easy for Jinki to lean in and kiss him, and Jonghyun could practically taste his breath; that addicting scent that would envelop him and drown him in light. 

The fantasy was broken by Jieun shouting Jonghyun’s name, and when he turned to smile down at her and swoop her into a hug, Jinki looked away. The tips of his ears had turned red, though, and Jonghyun took careful notice of it. 

“See? What did I say? She was excited to see you,” Jinki said, nodding at Jieun. His gaze strayed to her legs wrapped around Jonghyun’s waist, and Jonghyun’s arms secured around her.

Jonghyun smiled and scrunched up his nose at Jieun until she bopped it and laughed. It hadn’t escaped him just how much Jieun actually _liked_ him; how well they got along. Even if she got frustrated during Korean lessons, she never stayed mad at him, and they were able to enjoy each other’s company afterwards.

Affection was easy to give and share with her, and although that was a standard wolf trait, it still warmed Jonghyun’s heart all the same. He had always craved touch, comfort, and affection a little more than others. It often seemed like Jieun was the same.

Jinki’s eyes lingered on them, a thoughtful and searching expression that made Jonghyun feel evaluated, assessed, and seen. There was a wistfulness there too that Jonghyun had seen before with Jinki—that faraway look that took him out of the present and somewhere Jonghyun wished he could reach.

He blinked self-consciously, dropping Jieun to the floor and sitting down to eat. Jinki seemed to shake himself out of his thoughts and took his seat as well. Jonghyun and Jieun thanked him for the food, and followed after Jinki as he took his first bite. 

As usual with Jinki’s cooking, Jonghyun’s tastebuds were immediately happy. The stew was spicy and warm, with the depth of flavor that all of Jinki’s dishes had. Jonghyun greedily ate it up in big spoonfuls. 

“How does it compare to the leftovers?” Jinki asked with a smile. 

Jonghyun blushed and held a hand in front of his mouth to cover up his chewing. He wiped his lips and swallowed quickly. “I don’t know how it’s possible, but it tastes even better.”

Jinki smiled. “I never knew my cooking was that good. Jieun is just happy to eat anything, and Changsun was picky anyway so…”

Jonghyun frowned, dipping another spoonful of rice into the broth and bringing it to his lips. “Well, to me it’s just like eating at a restaurant, but somehow even better. Like you have a secret ingredient.”

Jinki blushed and looked into his bowl. “Thank you. My mom always told me she put love in every dish, and that’s why I liked her cooking as much as I did.”

“That must be the secret ingredient then,” Jonghyun said, taking another bite. He tried to calm the butterflies in his stomach at that thought. Metaphorical or not, he was eating Jinki’s love—filling himself up on it.

“Thankfully Jieun’s not picky about it, or any other ingredients,” Jinki said, leaning over to smooth a hand down Jieun’s hair as she finished her first helping of stew. 

From there, the conversation picked up, ranging from Jieun’s thoughts about her schoolwork to Jonghyun’s own assignments in his classes. Jieun had been coming along quickly, memorizing vocabulary well, and reading out loud diligently when Jonghyun picked out some of his own favorite children’s stories. 

When it came to other subjects that she learned with Jinki, Jieun hated math just like Jonghyun did. She had trouble sitting still when Jinki tried to get through a history lesson, and she was just as hopeless with English as Jonghyun had been. 

“I think Jonghyun-oppa is the best teacher,” Jieun said definitively after complaining again about how hard multiplication tables were. 

Jonghyun laughed, covering his mouth with his hand to keep from spewing food everywhere. “I’m just good at what I know,” he explained, gaze flitting between her and Jinki. “And don’t give your dad a hard time, he’s trying.”

Jinki smiled shyly at that, and Jieun nodded in agreement. “I know, I just wish school didn’t exist.”

Jonghyun laughed again, remembering those same feelings from his elementary school days. “Don’t worry, we’ve all been there.”

When Jinki began asking about Jonghyun’s own thesis, he turned shy. His stomach was completely full, and it was so warm and familiar to be at Jinki’s table, with Jieun sitting right across from him like she always did. He was settling into it so easily, and the thought of going back across town to his own small apartment left a cold and lonely feeling in his chest.

“Ah—it’s about the connections that music has had to literature throughout Korean history, but specifically focusing on the modern literature period. I’ve always seen the parallels myself, so I wanted to explore it a bit more,” Jonghyun explained, trying not to give too much information and trail off into an overly intellectual discussion. He could already see Jieun’s eyes glazing over. 

“Someone’s not very excited about it, I can see,” Jinki said, leaning over to touch Jieun’s shoulder. “You can go play if you want, and we’ll clean up dinner.”

Jieun nodded sleepily, thanking Jinki and leaving the table. Jonghyun fidgeted in his seat. Without Jieun as a buffer, he felt raw and exposed. 

“Anyway, we’ll see if I can develop it into a dissertation and get through the PhD program later on, but now it’s in its infancy,” Jonghyun continued. 

“I can already tell how smart you are, and how much you care about it,” Jinki replied, and his eyes were so warm. “I want to read it when it’s finished.”

Jonghyun laughed at Jinki’s sincerity, but he was grateful for the way his words lightened the load on his shoulders. 

“You don’t know how much that means for a grad student to hear,” Jonghyun replied.

Jinki hummed in agreement, gaze lingering for a beat longer than usual. Jonghyun swallowed, inclining his head in Jinki’s direction as subtly as he could. Just a stroke of Jinki’s fingers through his hair would placate him, for a few months at least. It was a fantasy he kept calling forth when he was alone, and now the thought roared at the forefront of his mind.

“Ah, I just remembered. I prepared a treat for after dinner,” Jinki suddenly said, breaking his gaze and looking at his hands shyly. “Not really dessert, but…”

He shuffled as he stood from his seat, waving at Jonghyun to follow him to the fridge. 

“Oh? I’m intrigued,” Jonghyun said, watching as innocently as he could when Jinki bent down to rummage in the shelves. 

“Well, I hope you’ll like it,” Jinki replied as he stood up, brandishing a bottle of chilled red wine. 

Jonghyun bit his lip in a smile. “One sip of that and once you get me started talking I won’t stop,” he admitted, leaning back on the kitchen counter.

“That wouldn’t be a bad thing,” Jinki said, reaching up into one of the cabinets for two wine glasses. 

Jinki poured the glasses with a careful, steady hand. That must’ve been what made Jinki feel so safe; that practiced and thoughtful way he approached his tasks. Jonghyun was so often a whirlwind in everything he did, but Jinki was becoming a sea of calm, and a respite from the storm.

“Did you always want to be a teacher?” Jinki asked, and he crossed the floor effortlessly, until he was standing right at Jonghyun’s side.

He handed Jonghyun his glass, and their fingers brushed. Lightning striking and shooting up the length of Jonghyun’s arm wouldn’t have been as electrifying as that slightest touch. Jonghyun nearly jumped backwards in surprise, the wine sloshing around in its glass. Jinki blushed and hid behind his drink. 

Jonghyun laughed and shook his head, taking a long drink to build up his courage, still rattled from their touch. “No, I wanted to be a musician for the longest time, but it’s not exactly easy to make money that way.”

He thought for a moment, studying his reflection in the deep red of the wine. Sharp brow bones, deep wells of dark circles under his eyes, and a nose that he always felt was too big. Each feature was elongated and deformed in the velvety color. He wondered what Jinki saw.

“Then again, academia isn’t necessarily secure,” Jonghyun continued, laughing softly at himself. “What about you? Architect...that’s pretty impressive.”

Jinki looked shy as Jonghyun directed the question. He furrowed his brows. “I don’t really remember deciding. It’s like I had the dream buried somewhere inside of me for a long time, but only when the opportunity came did I realize it.”

“I like that,” Jonghyun said, voice low. “It suits you.”

Jinki took another drink, and Jonghyun eyed the strong curve of his throat. His skin was smooth, unmarred by stubble or shaving marks. Jonghyun twitched, nose attuned to Jinki’s scent too effortlessly. The sweet grape wine gave it a note of crisp fruitiness, offset by the deep, rich scent of alcohol.

“Changsun always encouraged me to do it, too,” Jinki continued, biting his bottom lip like the words were unsure about coming out. “He and I actually enlisted together right after high school. Sometimes I wonder if that’s why our relationship became so serious so fast.”

Jonghyun hummed. “So many shared experiences.”

“Maybe it was too many,” Jinki said. He sighed and took another sip of wine. “There was some safety in that, at first.” 

Jonghyun nodded, hanging onto every word like it was the last time he’d be able to hear it. The kitchen was already small, but it may as well have collapsed in on them. Jonghyun didn’t do it on purpose, but he’d moved in closer to Jinki with each drink of his wine, and he was the only thing in his field of vision.

He could almost count the individual lines of Jinki’s soft, dark eyelashes when he blinked. 

“He didn’t leave that long ago, you know. Only around four months,” Jinki said after taking a long breath. “Sorry, this wasn’t really in your job description.”

Jonghyun swallowed tightly. His cheeks already felt warm from the influence of the wine. He scooted even closer to Jinki, imagined laying his head on his shoulder in comfort. He wanted to scream it out, to tell him how much he wanted to know everything, even the smallest details that Jinki thought were unimportant.

“I didn’t realize,” he whispered instead, frowning into his glass. “And you know I’m anything but opposed to personal conversations.”

Jinki laughed then, a quiet admission of comfort. “Jieun never asks me about him. I always wonder what she thinks, but I’m too scared to bring it up.”

Jonghyun paused, thinking about how careful Jieun was when they’d talked about his dad. She was so much like Jinki in that way; quiet and focused inward, but always understanding. 

“I think she’d surprise you. She’s very intuitive,” Jonghyun said, mouth too loose after just half a glass of wine. “When you miss someone, it’s not always easy to vocalize. Even adults have trouble with those messy, complicated feelings...especially adults, actually.”

Jinki nodded, lips pulled into a serious line. 

“Stop me if I’m talking too much.”

“Never.”

Jonghyun blushed. Jinki reached behind him to set down his empty glass and turned to pour himself another. 

“After I enlisted, my dad got sick,” Jonghyun started, feelings coming out too quickly to process. “He had a stroke, and then his heart was never the same again.”

Jinki pressed closer. Their hands were nearly touching. 

“He had to have surgery, and after that he just didn’t really recover. Almost a week after I was discharged, he passed.”

Jinki bit his lip and inclined his head. “I know it doesn’t always mean anything, but, I’m sorry.”

Jonghyun smiled timidly. “It does mean something, because I know you’re being sincere.”

“Can I?” Jinki asked softly, and his hand hovered above Jonghyun’s with barely a centimeter of space between them. 

Jonghyun nodded quickly, letting the warmth of Jinki’s palm sink into his own. He squeezed gently, and Jonghyun did all he could to soak it up, to hold onto the sensation and let it touch every part of himself until he had to let go. It was ridiculous how quickly he had fallen, how just a simple touch unspooled him completely.

“I had taken a break from school to enlist, and after everything happened...I didn’t know what I wanted anymore,” Jonghyun continued shakily.

Jinki made a noise of agreement, his hand still a solid weight to hold Jonghyun up. 

“My dad and I didn’t have the closest relationship, but it was like a part of the world had been removed. He was the pack leader, after all,” Jonghyun rambled on, remembering how lonely his mother had been. “My sister’s the alpha, so she picked up most of the pieces. I guess I was my mom’s emotional support.”

“I’m sure you were exactly what she needed,” Jinki said softly. 

Jonghyun gave a watery smile. He had always been quick to cry. Jinki let go of his hand and turned around, grabbing a paper towel and folding it into a neat square that Jonghyun could use as a tissue. 

Jonghyun batted his eyes gently, sniffling as he let the tears fall as they needed. 

“Can’t blame this on instincts,” he joked. “Noona always told me that even if I was an alpha I would still cry more than her.”

Jinki laughed, warm and deep and filling. It settled in between all the broken pieces that Jonghyun had just laid bare, and sewed them up into something a little bit more whole. He breathed out a long sigh. 

“I’m guessing you don’t want that second glass of wine?” Jinki asked, smirk twitching at his lips. 

Jonghyun giggled, throwing his hand over his mouth to keep his embarrassing hiccups at bay. 

“No, I think that’s enough for tonight.”

Jinki took the empty glass from him and set it in the sink with his own. “When Changsun left, it felt like everything had to start over. At first it was hard, but now it’s almost freeing.”

Jinki leaned over the sink with his hands on either side, studying the rims of their empty glasses and the stray droplets of water. He glanced up at Jonghyun.

“It’s kind of like a second chance.”

Jonghyun blushed, but held his gaze. His heart pounded incessantly, aching to reach out and let everything go. Jonghyun had always been fond of the cliche and the romantic, and fate was an elusive notion that he had toyed with in his own stories and fantasies. Reality was rarely so kind, but in the back of his mind he had always wanted to believe in some kind of destiny. 

“Yeah, it really is,” he said, holding onto the smile that Jinki answered back with. 

“Anyway, you’re my guest, so I won’t ask you to stay and do the dishes,” Jinki started, heading back into the dining room. 

“But I’m the perfect candidate for it. I already know where everything in the kitchen is,” Jonghyun reasoned as he followed, looking for any excuse to overstay his welcome.

Jinki’s eyes brightened. “Hm, you make a fair point.”

“You wash, and I’ll dry?” Jonghyun offered, already stacking up Jieun’s bowl and cup. 

“Sounds like a plan.”

On the train ride home, hands still smelling of dish soap and Jinki’s kitchen towels, with his mind still swimming in the comfortable haze of a wine buzz, Jonghyun replayed the memory of Jinki’s hand grasping his own. He fell into the feeling of it, letting it grab onto his imagination and carry him back to the threshold of Jinki’s apartment door, where he had half expected to be kissed until he lost his breath.

  


  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 금강산도 식후경: original Korean of the proverb (속담) Jonghyun recites to Jieun! I tried to translate it the best that I could. In many English language fics, I’m sure we include common English sayings without thinking about it, so I wanted to include a Korean one I knew to (hopefully) make the story feel a bit more authentic.


	3. Three

  


  


On the floor in Jinki’s living room, Jonghyun ran a wide toothed comb through Jieun’s long, silky hair. It was a Friday afternoon, the sun peeking in through the morning’s spring rain clouds, and casting a peaceful yellow glow throughout the room.

From the first day they’d met, Jonghyun had noticed that Jieun constantly pushed her stubborn, unruly hair out of her eyes instead of tying it back away from her face. After they’d finished their lessons for the day, he’d dug around the bathroom drawer until he’d fished out a package of hair ties and styling tools.

“How come you know how to do this?” Jieun asked, legs crossed obediently as Jonghyun gathered her hair into three distinct sections. “Dad doesn’t know how…”

Jonghyun grinned. It was what he had figured, and somehow the image of Jinki trying and failing countless times to tame Jieun’s mane warmed his heart.

“My noona is an alpha, and when we were little she always made me braid her hair,” he explained.

He smiled fondly at the memory. Jonghyun had been a hyperactive wolf pup, and teaching him how to do her hair was Sodam’s way of disciplining him and helping him learn how to be patient. He had been so annoyed at first, but as time stretched on he began to understand the duty she had felt to him, and the way her love came out in such gestures. 

Jieun hummed thoughtfully, shifting a bit in her seat as Jonghyun started on the braid. 

“My dad says I don’t have to listen to everything alphas say,” Jieun said. 

Jonghyun stilled. It was the first time he’d heard Jieun bring up the topic of wolves. 

“But, he’s the only alpha I know, and I always have to listen to him,” she finished, voice going quiet with a note of confusion. 

Jonghyun was silent for a moment. He had never needed these things explained to him as a kid because he’d been surrounded by wolves since the day he was born. He’d grown up in it, naturalized to the rhythms of wolf life and the patterns of behavior that came with instinct and pack. He racked his brain for some kernel of advice he could give. 

“Are you an alpha?” Jieun asked plainly, turning her head while Jonghyun’s fingers were still grasping to the braid he’d begun making. 

He snorted immediately, trying to downplay the sound as much as he could. 

“No, I’m an omega,” Jonghyun answered. He paused, realizing that Jieun’s sense of smell probably wasn’t as trained as most wolves her age because she hadn’t grown up smelling others as a form of greeting.

He tried to imagine what it would be like; to be a wolf and not recognize others instantly. 

He felt a tug on his heart; an ache to pull Jieun closer to him and guide her through every step of the way, until she knew wholly how different she was, and how special that could be even when it was hard. 

“Oh, like me!” Jieun exclaimed brightly, turning back around so that Jonghyun could continue his work on her hair. 

He smiled at her response, and continued. “Yes, that’s right. You’ll probably start to...go through some changes in a few years.”

He blushed, feeling all the part of his mother when he was Jieun’s age, sitting obediently on the floor in her room while she’d tried to explain the mechanics of heat without making it too explicit. 

Jieun giggled. “I know, Dad already told me.”

Jonghyun laughed, trying to imagine Jinki calmly and methodically detailing the process while the tips of his ears and the back of his neck turned bright pink. 

Due to his suppressants, Jonghyun himself hadn’t voluntarily had a heat in a year or so. It wasn’t wise to always forego a heat and stay on suppressants forever, but he’d found that it was healthy and easiest to have them as sparingly as possible. Especially in school, it was difficult and inconvenient to take multiple days off from classes for such a frustrating and exhausting process.

He was near the end of Jieun’s braid, when he remembered his and Jinki’s conversation from the week before. 

“What about your other dad—Changsun?” he asked tentatively. “He’s a beta, right?”

Jieun paused, and Jonghyun felt her stiffen slightly under his hands. He held his breath, afraid that he’d made a mistake by breaching the topic. 

“Yeah…” Jieun said softly. “He never knew how to do my hair either.”

Jonghyun smiled knowingly. He pulled a pink tie out of the packaging and twisted it around the end of the braid.

“Not everyone is as talented as me,” he said playfully, smoothing out the hairs on the sides of her head with his fingers. 

She turned around to face him when he was finished. “Sometimes I miss him,” she said honestly. 

“That’s okay,” Jonghyun reassured her.

“He said he would call me,” Jieun continued. “Do you think he still will?”

Jonghyun sucked in a breath. This was a different level entirely than trying to navigate conversations about wolf life. Before his dad had passed, there had been a period of time where they hadn’t talked much either, and it had been rough. 

“I don’t really know,” Jonghyun said carefully. He picked up a barrette with a strawberry charm on it, and pinned it neatly on the side of Jieun’s head. “It might not be for a while, but if he does you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to, okay?”

Jieun nodded slowly, like she was close to understanding. 

Jonghyun knew she would one day, even if it was years after he was done with this job; if it was years in the future when Jieun would be sitting in a crowded CSAT testing room trying to hold her nerves together, or walking across a university campus on her very first day of freshman year.

Jonghyun looked down, suddenly hit with the realization that one day the both of them would outgrow this; that one day she’d be too old for his careful attempts at nurturing, and they would part ways as easily as they’d met. It was like a punch right to the gut, like a wound so deep in his skin that the scar would likely never fade. 

“Anyway,” he said shakily, trying to keep the tears from welling up. “Your dad is right, you know. You don’t have to listen to every alpha, unless you want to. Sometimes you will want to, and that’s okay.”

“Did you want to listen to your sister?” Jieun asked, giggling.

Jonghyun laughed, tears thankfully dried before they’d sprung out. He smiled at her. “No, not at first. But if I hadn’t, then I wouldn’t have been able to do your hair now would I?”

“I guess you’re right,” Jieun said thoughtfully, pulling the braid around to investigate it. “I like it.”

“That’s good,” Jonghyun replied, pinching her cheek with a smile.

As he started to gather up the hair supplies, he filed through other wolf experiences he could share with Jieun. She had turned back around to focus on the new drawing she’d started of one of her favorite cartoon characters; a talking dog whose best friend was a human.

“Jieun-ah,” he started, a wave of worry suddenly swooping through his stomach. “Have you ever...turned into a wolf?”

Jieun looked up with a slightly confused expression. Jonghyun’s heart broke. He figured that if Jieun had lived in an orphanage without any other wolves, she may never have realized that she had the ability. If Jinki had never shown her how, her body may be completely unaware of the possibility. 

Jonghyun remembered the day his sister took him to the beach on a pack vacation to Jeju when he was still young. It had been dawn, just before the sun began to creep up the horizon, and the sand was still cool under Jonghyun’s bare feet.

They’d shifted as the sun came up, stretching slowly across the sky in a blaze of light gold and vibrant orange. The salty sea breeze had blown through his fur as he’d changed; one minute tiny crystals of sand sticking in between his toes, and the next his claws digging deep into the earth.

Everything had been different. The rough scratch of the sand under the pads of his paws, the kaleidoscope colors of the world blurring around them as they picked up speed and dashed along the shore. Even the sun had a taste and a smell—bright and hot and brimming with life. 

They’d ran until they reached the edge of the beach, up until they hit the rocks and Sodam glided into a stop. Jonghyun had been shaking, writhing with the energy and the need to go even faster, to keep running until the end of time. It was freedom. 

He tried to keep from crying again as he realized that Jieun hadn’t had that experience yet. Jonghyun had been six or so, still a puppy, but ready to know his animal form. Most wolves changed around that age. 

“Your dad never showed you?” Jonghyun asked gently, watching Jieun slowly color her picture of the cartoon dog. 

She shook her head, suddenly more quiet than Jonghyun had ever seen her. He wondered if she even knew what he meant. 

“I see,” he said, ending the conversation there.

He didn’t bring it up again as Jieun continued to draw and relax in the living room, but the subject didn’t leave his mind. As the clock ticked closer to Jinki’s usual arrival time, he shuffled through a myriad of ways to talk with him about it. He couldn’t move past how deeply the discussion had troubled him. 

When the beep of the front door’s keypad sounded off throughout the apartment, and Jinki’s smiling face appeared from the other side, Jonghyun stood up from the couch to greet him in the way he always did. 

“Your hair looks beautiful,” Jinki gushed at Jieun as he saw her, picking her up and holding her tight in his arms. He turned to Jonghyun, eyes bright in appreciation. “Did you do this for her?”

“Yeah, my noona taught me how when we were young,” Jonghyun said. “Jieun told me you weren’t exactly an expert.”

Jinki laughed and nodded. “Well, I suppose it’s a good thing she’s so honest, right?”

“Can you put me down?” Jieun mumbled. “I’m trying to do my drawing.”

Jinki laughed amicably and set her back on the floor. “I don’t know what I’ll do with myself once she actually gets too old for me to hold her like that,”

For a brief moment of silence, the two of them stood and watched her. Jinki’s eyes were full of the wonder and adoration Jonghyun always noticed when he looked at her. There was so much love there, and Jonghyun knew how deeply Jinki wanted to give her the world. 

“Can I talk with you about something?” Jonghyun asked tentatively. 

Jink turned to face him, an instant flash of worry crossing his face. “Of course. Is something wrong?”

“No, no it’s just—” Jonghyun began, glancing at Jieun who was still fully absorbed in her work. “Jieun and I were talking today, and I didn’t realize that she’s never been in wolf form.”

He bit his lip anxiously, wondering if this was too personal of a matter that he shouldn’t be involved in. Despite all he and Jinki had shared with one another, Jonghyun was never sure if he was about to cross a line.

Jinki’s face stilled and he looked down. 

“It’s okay if maybe—maybe she’s not ready, or,” Jonghyun said, stumbling over his thoughts. “I just—you know, I could help if you wanted.”

“It’s not that,” Jinki replied, voice low. “Actually, I feel kind of guilty. I don’t have the best experience with transformation.”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Jonghyun said, embarrassment washing over him.

“It’s okay,” Jinki reassured him, looking up with a small smile. “When I was young, I accidentally transformed when I was lost on vacation with my family. I didn’t know what was happening, so I just ran and ran as far as I could.”

Jonghyun repressed a soft gasp, willing away the urge to reach out to Jinki in comfort.

“My parents found me behind someone’s house, cold and scared. I didn’t remember much,” Jinki continued. He paused, watching Jieun carefully. “I haven’t transformed a lot because of that, and I’ve been too afraid to teach her. I just want her to be safe.”

Jonghyun sucked in a breath, following Jinki’s gaze. Jieun was precious, and everything Jinki had done up until now was an exercise in keeping that precious nature shielded from the evil and hurt of the world. 

“I meant what I said earlier,” Jonghyun said gently. “I could help. We could change here, and she’d be safe. She couldn’t run, but—”

“You already do so much for us—” Jinki started to refuse.

“It’s because I want to,” Jonghyun reassured him, surprising himself with how deeply that truth ran. 

Jinki bit his lip in thought, gaze still fixed on his daughter. “Don’t you have class?” he asked. 

“It’s cancelled today,” Jonghyun lied, coming up slowly behind him. He hesitated with his hand hovering near Jinki’s shoulder. 

Jinki laughed quietly and nodded. Jonghyun laid his palm on him carefully, and Jinki seemed to soften into the hold. Jonghyun pretended that he imagined it. 

“You don’t have to,” he said. “If you’re not ready.”

Jinki turned and met Jonghyun’s eyes. Their usual warmth was still steady and unflinching, but behind that was a lonely sense of fear. Jonghyun squeezed his shoulder, pressing all the affection he had for him into the strong sturdy muscle radiating heat and life underneath his hand. 

“I don’t think I can yet,” Jinki admitted shakily. “But, she deserves this.”

Jonghyun nodded, dropping his hand from Jinki’s shoulder. He paused.

“You’re a good dad,” he said honestly.

“I don’t always feel like it,” Jinki responded, but his inevitable smile had started to tug at the edge of his lips. “So thank you.”

Jonghyun smiled in response, and then walked over to Jieun. He crouched down to meet her level as always.

“Do you remember what I said earlier? About turning into a wolf?” Jonghyun spoke quietly and slowly, searching her eyes. He placed a hand on her shoulder timidly, just as he had with Jinki. 

Jieun nodded, eyes widening. She glanced back at her dad. 

“Would you like to try?”

Jieun bit her lip and scrunched her eyebrows together. It was a familiar look that Jonghyun had seen many times before; particularly when she became frustrated during his lessons. It was a look that promised determination even in the event of confusion and inexperience. 

Jonghyun smiled and grabbed her hand as they stood up together. 

“Your dad’s gonna watch, okay?” he said, squeezing her hand for reassurance. “It’s easier than it seems. All you have to do is close your eyes, and picture yourself as a wolf.”

“What if I can’t do it?” Jieun asked nervously, tugging tightly on Jonghyun’s fingers. 

“Trust me, you can do it,” he said, locking eyes with Jinki, who was standing across from them with hands shaking.

Jieun went quiet then, and Jonghyun closed his eyes. He imagined the sound of the ocean waves from the very first time he’d changed. He imagined the feeling of the earth under his paws, humming with life and pressing back against him. He imagined the deep black color of his fur, cloaking him in warmth.

Jonghyun was there. His claws hit the wood floor of the apartment with a _clack_ , and when he opened his eyes, Jinki was standing above him and shining brighter than Jonghyun had ever seen. 

The smell was maddening. He had to close his eyes again and turn towards Jieun in order to push himself away; to keep himself from running up to Jinki and nudging his snout against his hand, his belly, his everything until he was drowned in the scent.

Jieun was small and nervous beside him, but she had succeeded. Her coat was a fuzzy white and brown speckled pattern that gleamed under the afternoon light pouring in through the window. She looked around curiously, her smell heightened under Jonghyun’s even more sensitive wolf nose. She smelled clean and slightly floral, but her nerves gave it a sour edge. 

He cautiously approached her and nudged her side with his nose. She made a little whining sound, but tentatively reached out to smell him. She went from the base of his head underneath his ear, to his jaw, and around down his back. As she circled him, her fear began to morph into excitement, and Jonghyun smiled. He let out a pleased howl, low and as quiet as possible, and Jieun barked playfully. 

She started to circle him even faster, eventually eyeing his long, fluffy tail and sniffing it rapidly. Jonghyun could feel and smell her becoming more comfortable. He sniffed her tail too, and then licked behind her ears to show affection. 

As they both turned around to face Jinki, Jonghyun’s heart shot up into his throat. 

Jinki was kneeling with his hands outstretched, reaching for Jieun. His eyes were warm and open, and his scent was overflowing with love, pride, disbelief, and happiness. But swirling underneath it all was the barely detectable hint of a forlorn sadness. 

Jonghyun wanted to run into those arms too. He wanted Jinki to join them. He wanted to nip and play and bite and wrestle until they were all completely worn out—until they collapsed into a pile on the living room floor, cuddling close as they dozed off into sleep.

It was an ache so deep and raw that he felt his scent change with it. It dipped into that same forlorn sadness that he could still smell on Jinki; that knowledge that the moment wasn’t entirely perfect. That instinct was strong in wolves—the ability to feel and know when something was out of place.

He watched as Jieun dashed forward, covering Jinki’s faces with licks and kisses in a flurry of excitement. 

“Is it fun Jieun-ah?” Jinki asked, smile stretching wide as he ran his fingers through her fur. “You look so adorable.”

Jieun barked playfully again, and Jonghyun tried to reach out to her. 

_“You can talk to him,”_ he sent out, and Jieun stopped in surprise. 

She paused, trying to adjust to the senses that were already there but had long laid dormant. Suddenly a chorus of _“Dad, dad, dad, dad!”_ rang out in Jonghyun’s mind, and Jinki laughed in response. 

He scratched behind her ears and nodded so she’d know he could hear her. “I know, I know! What do you think?”

Jieun nuzzled his palm and wagged her tail. _“I wanna run, I wanna run!”_

“Not today, sweetie, okay?” Jinki responded, petting her head in gentle strokes. “Maybe next time I can change too, and we can take a trip out to the countryside. We can run there.”

Jonghyun smiled wistfully, watching the way Jinki’s eyes lit up at the idea.

Jieun whined in protest but still continued to nuzzle him and wag her tail happily. She had begun to drool a little in all of the excitement, and Jinki’s pant legs were catching the majority of it.

“Maybe you should change back now?” Jink suggested, trying to calm her down. “I don’t want you getting too hyper and not being able to channel it anywhere.” 

Jieun whined again, but bowed her head solemnly when Jinki gave her a stern look. 

_“Just picture yourself as a human again,”_ Jonghyun instructed softly. _“It will be just as easy.”_

Jinki locked eyes with him as he sent the message out, and Jonghyun resisted the urge to incline his head, to look up pleading in a state of humility and willingness. It was mostly instincts making him want that, but Jonghyun knew that underneath that base layer was the irresistible pull Jinki had always had on him. 

Jinki wasn’t even close to being his alpha, but facing him in such a vulnerable state—even more intimate sometimes that his naked skin—Jonghyun was overcome with the need to be needed, wanted, and worthy. 

“I’ll get you a blanket, Jieun,” Jinki said softly, eyes still searching Jonghyun’s with a look that he couldn’t place. 

Once Jinki had reached over the couch to grab it, he wrapped Jieun up in her favorite soft blanket and squeezed. 

“Your clothes are over there, so when you change you can get them and go to the bathroom to put them back on, okay?” he instructed. 

Jieun gave a quick _yip_ of understanding, and then she closed her eyes once again. In a brief moment, she was back to her human self, shivering and pulling her blanket close. Jinki grabbed her in a tight hug, stroking the back of her head. 

“I’m cold!” Jieun exclaimed.

“I know, it’s always like that,” Jinki whispered. “I’m so proud of you, you did a great job.”

Jieun muffled a ‘thank you’ into his neck and then pulled away to get her clothes. When she turned and saw Jonghyun she giggled and smiled. 

“Jonghyun-oppa, you look so cool!” she said, walking up to him to investigate his fur up close. 

_“What, so you’re saying I don’t always look cool?”_ he teased, and Jieun’s eyes widened when she realized that she could hear him even though she wasn’t in wolf form anymore. 

“Fine, you always do,” she decided, laughing as she walked around him to pick up her clothes. “I’ll be right back!” she continued. “I wanna do this again soon!”

Her excited voice faded away as she walked down the hallway to the bathroom. 

Jinki was staring at Jonghyun, and Jonghyun walked closer with sure, even steps. 

“Thank you,” Jinki said quietly, eyes searching Jonghyun’s face rapidly, as if he was trying to catalogue the moment in his memory before time was up. 

_“Of course,”_ Jonghyun replied. _“I knew she would love it.”_

Jinki bit his lip, still looking at Jonghyun with a question buried in his gaze. He was somewhere else again, deep in his head where Jonghyun continued to wonder what he was thinking. He smelled so strong, so warm, grateful and happy. 

“You look…” Jinki started, hands hesitating at his sides. 

_“Cool?”_ Jonghyun prompted, snuffling to indicate his smirk. 

Jinki laughed and shook his head. “That too, but,” he paused, one palm coming down to touch Jonghyun’s head. Jonghyun sat obediently, and nudged into the feeling. 

“I was going to say handsome.”

Jonghyun closed his eyes, willing the appreciative whine to travel back down his throat. He pushed into the safety of Jinki’s palm, the weight that held him together as he tried to think of something to say. It was an innocent remark; a compliment that didn’t have to carry anything else with it. He wagged his tail to show his thanks. 

_“It suits me?”_ Jonghyun asked, referencing Jinki’s comment about his career choice in an attempt to keep from spiraling out of control. 

Jinki smiled and nodded, rubbing soothing circles in-between Jonghyun’s ears. 

“You read my mind,” Jinki said, knowing glint in his eye.

Jieun came back into the room then, bare feet padding softly on the floor. Jonghyun and Jinki broke their gaze, and Jinki’s cheeks were tinged the slightest shade of pink.

“Good job,” Jinki said as he kneeled down to Jieun and reached out to high five her. 

Jieun smiled and gave him a big hug. Jonghyun tried to turn away, but he wanted to look; to see that close, familiar, happy display of pack—of family. 

As Jinki pulled out of the hug, he offered the blanket Jieun had used to Jonghyun. He cautiously draped it over Jonghyun’s lean form, settling it along his shoulders and letting the extra ends fall to the floor. As a wolf, it didn’t quite cover him, but he knew once he had changed back to his human form, he would be swaddled in its warmth. 

“You can change in my bedroom if you’d like,” Jinki offered. “I’m sure you want some privacy.”

Jonghyun nodded in thanks, and turned to pick up his clothes carefully between his teeth. He headed down the hallway, and as he nudged open the door to Jinki’s room with his snout, a staggering wave of Jinki’s scent hit him right in the face. 

The whole room was drenched in it, and Jonghyun had known it would be, but it didn’t make the reality any less overwhelming. He shifted quickly, trying not to linger on all the small personal details of Jinki’s bedroom that were uniquely him. 

From the neat stack of books on his bedside table, to the way the bed was made up with a soft, navy blue comforter and three separate pillows, it was all so cozy and comfortable just like Jinki always was. Jonghyun caught a glimpse of himself in the wide mirror on top of Jinki’s dresser as he pulled his pants on. 

He looked refreshed; as if he’d just woken up from a long and restful nap to face the new day ahead. He hadn’t transformed in so long, and he’d forgotten how it felt to shed his human skin for just a moment; to inhabit the wild yet instantly safe refuge of his wolf body. 

Jonghyun tugged his t-shirt on, imagining for a moment what it would be like to run free and uninhibited down the coastline with Jinki by his side. He imagined the way wind would whip through their fur and the way their feet would pound sure and steady on the ground, completely in sync with their attention turned only towards each other. 

He’d never had a mate; never been bonded close enough for a connection so strong to form. He was getting carried away, but as he straightened himself up in Jinki’s mirror, in Jinki’s home, after stripping himself of his defenses and putting himself back together again in front of him, Jonghyun ached for it like nothing he had ever known.

Outside, at the foot of the entrance to the subway station, Jonghyun recalled the way he’d squeezed Jieun tight in a hug that he’d hoped translated all his feelings. He recalled how he’d paused awkwardly in the doorway before he left, nearly leaning in to wrap Jinki up in the same way.

Before boarding his train for the ride back to his solitary apartment, he spared a moment to wish that he had.

  


  
\---

  


As the days and weeks began to form into a blur of midterm chaos, Jonghyun’s feelings only continued to grow in their intensity. In the middle of study sessions with Kibum, or in the library trying to focus on his readings, Jonghyun often caught himself daydreaming—wondering what Jinki would say if he was there with him. 

He had begun to make more detailed lesson plans for Jieun’s daily Korean studies, and sometimes he caught himself spending more time on them than his own assignments and papers. He fought the urge to text Jinki in between classes in order to extend their post-work conversations, after he’d realized that showing up late to his seminar everyday was starting to look too suspicious. 

In the late hours of the night, when Jonghyun was fighting stress and the suffocating insomnia that kept him up more often than not, he imagined again the scene of him and Jinki running with abandon along a beach that never ended.

A few days before his birthday, Jonghyun accidentally let slip the date while talking with Jinki. Once the day arrived, Jonghyun was greeted at the door by an overly excited wolf pup Jieun who jumped and slobbered on him until he was laying on the floor, out of breath with laughter. 

“She wanted to surprise you by showing you that she could do it herself,” Jinki explained with a proud smile as Jieun wriggled on top of Jonghyun’s chest. 

Jonghyun let her nuzzle under his chin, rubbing comforting circles behind her ears. “I knew you could,” he whispered gently, heart bursting with the brightest affection that he knew he shouldn’t be allowed to feel. 

“And also,” Jinki started, lowering to the ground and sitting with his legs crossed. “We got you a gift. Happy birthday.”

Jonghyun hadn’t noticed it at first, with all the excitement surrounding Jieun’s rowdy greeting, but Jinki was holding his hands behind his back. Jonghyun gasped, cheeks heating up.

“You didn’t have to…” he said as Jinki revealed a slim black box tied with a satiny teal ribbon.

“Jieun picked it out,” Jinki continued with a gentle smile. 

She licked Jonghyun’s cheek in response, tail hitting his legs as she wagged it back and forth. Jonghyun sucked in a shaky breath, carefully tugging on the ribbon to undo the neat bow. Inside the box, a shiny black fountain pen with gold accents laid against smooth velvet.

“I know people don’t really use paper anymore but,” Jinki started, an embarrassed blush coming to his cheeks. “You _are_ a writer, so I thought the sentimental value would be worth it.”

Jonghyun smiled, meeting Jinki’s nervous gaze. “I love it,” he admitted, heart soaring as he gently touched the barrel of the pen, mesmerized by the cool feeling under his fingertips. “I actually still take notes on paper, so it’s perfect.”

“Helps things stick in the brain better,” Jinki agreed, watching Jonghyun pull the pen out of the box and hold it fully in his hand. “Sometimes I’m partial to the more traditional things too.”

“Jieun picked it out, huh?” Jonghyun teased, raising an eyebrow. 

Jinki’s blush deepened. “She did, she picked the color! Because it reminded her of you,” Jinki said. He paused, looking down at his hands for a moment before continuing. “Reminded her of your fur.”

Jonghyun’s gaze softened instantly, heart melting into a puddle. He turned back to Jieun to see her curled up in a comfortable little circle, nose tucked near her tail and eyes blinking innocently and sweetly up at him. He placed a hand on her head and rubbed it fondly.

“Thank you,” he whispered. “It’s really special.”

Jinki had to dash off for work, already running way too late for a reasonable excuse, but Jonghyun was floating on air for the rest of the day. During his class, he gently removed the pen from its box. His hand glided across the paper as he copied down his notes, moving as effortless and easy as waves lapping at a shore.

One morning as Jonghyun was preparing to head to the subway station, he caught a glimpse of his guitar leaning on the wall near his bed. He felt a tug that pulled him towards it; a sudden need.

He spent the afternoon with Jieun crouched low on the living room floor, playing through nearly every song he knew, and even some of his own compositions, dug up from vulnerable places he tried not to dwell on. Jieun hummed along and asked him to teach her everything. He took it slow, starting with the easiest chords that her little hands could reach.

By the time Jinki arrived home, she was strumming like her life depended on it, and Jonghyun had already made up a song to describe the feeling of watching her personality bloom.

He left the guitar at the apartment for the day, and each morning when he came by with Jinki’s Starbucks and another lesson plan, Jieun asked to learn a new song. If she got too tired after trying to remember the chord progressions, she wolfed out and begged Jonghyun to wrestle with her.

On rainy afternoons, Jinki would come home to find them curled up on the living room floor with noses tucked in fur and paws touching. He always smoothed a gentle hand down Jonghyun’s head to wake him, and each time Jonghyun opened his eyes to the sight it left him more heart-wrenched than the last. 

It became a struggle to spend weekends away from them, and Jonghyun found himself looking forward to Mondays more than he ever had in his life. It was a strange feeling to wake up from a fitful sleep but be full of energy and expectancy for the morning ahead. Just seeing Jinki’s smile first thing, complete with messy unstyled hair and the occasional spot of toothpaste stuck to his chin, was enough to make Jonghyun feel like he was flying.

On an unassuming Wednesday afternoon, as Jonghyun was gathering his stuff to leave the apartment and head to class, Jinki stopped him near the doorway. Him and Jieun had been painting, and Jinki’s fingers fell on the patch of faded orange splashed across Jonghyun’s wrist. 

“So, this Saturday my company is going out for dinner and drinks,” Jinki said, rubbing his neck in embarrassment. “I don’t go very often, but my co-workers have been hounding me to get out more.”

Jonghyun grinned, imagining Jinki being doted on and teased as he shyly declined their invitations. “You do act more like you’re forty rather than thirty sometimes.”

Jinki laughed and shook his head. “It’s just because I want to spend time with Jieun, but—I figured one weekend couldn’t hurt anything.”

“Of course not. You deserve that,” Jonghyun said.

Jinki nodded with a shy smile. “I—I was wondering if you wouldn’t mind coming over to watch Jieun for the night? I already told them I’d leave early, so it shouldn’t be for too long, and of course I’ll pay you—”

“You already know my answer,” Jonghyun said gently, smile spreading out to his ears.

“It’s okay if you can’t, I could try to find someone else...”

“I want to,” Jonghyun insisted, “And you can stay out as long as you’d like.”

Jinki flashed a grateful smile, visibly relaxing. “Thank you, I really mean it. You’re the best.”

Jonghyun looked away to hide his blush, trying not to let it show how much he wished that meant more than it did. 

“Just make sure you drink enough for me,” Jonghyun said cheekily, hand on the doorknob. 

“I can hold my liquor pretty well, but I know how wild students can be,” Jinki said back. “Might not be able to survive a night out like that.”

“I don’t think I’m _that_ wild,” Jonghyun replied, smirking. “I think you could survive me.”

Jinki faltered at that, eyes widening and ears turning pink. Jonghyun blushed, shame washing over him at how blatant he had been. He tried to ignore the way Jinki’s scent deepened, heat and spice reaching out and warming Jonghyun up instantly. 

“Ah—sorry, that was a bit much,” he apologized, willing away the color from his cheeks. 

Jinki shrugged, a nervous smile twitching at his lips. “No, it’s fine.”

“Anyway, I’ll see you tomorrow?” Jonghyun rushed awkwardly through his goodbye, stomach still fluttering with nerves and the adrenaline of flirting.

Jinki smiled and nodded. “And by the way, you’re right.”

Jonghyun raised his eyebrow in question.

“I think I could survive you.”

Jonghyun gulped, heat flooding his body so fast his head spun. 

“Um, yeah,” he replied dumbly, voice tapering off into a whisper as he fixated on the pull of Jinki’s scent, as he watched Jinki blush and turn away, hands wiping nervously on the sides of his pants. 

Jinki let out a small laugh, playing it off as easily as he could as Jonghyun struggled to make himself leave. More than anything he wanted to drop to his knees and press his mouth hot and wet against the front of Jinki’s pants until his cock swelled underneath him. Jonghyun swallowed tightly. 

“See you tomorrow,” Jinki stumbled, eyes flitting between Jonghyun and the floor. He held their gazes steady for a moment. “And thank you again.”

“Anytime,” Jonghyun managed to squeak out, knees shaking as he left the apartment and headed down the hall. 

Alone in his bedroom that night, after keeping himself held together tight through hours of classes and homework, Jonghyun buried his fingers in his hole up to the knuckle and fucked his fist until he came, shaking and gasping and writhing into his sheets.

  


  



	4. Four

  


  


Jonghyun sat anxiously on the living room couch, TV turned to the newest episode of a popular drama. He was only halfway paying attention to it as his mind drifted. Jinki had said he’d be back around midnight, and the clock was slowly ticking closer to the start of the hour. Jonghyun fidgeted in his seat.

He wasn’t allowed to be this worried about Jinki; to be anxiously awaiting his arrival like an overly hormonal omega spouse. His knee shook up and down with anticipation anyway. 

Earlier in the morning, Jonghyun had twisted the lid off his bottle of heat suppressants like he’d done a million times before, only to look down into the pile of salmon-pink pills and pop the cap right back on with a definitive _snap._

It had meant nothing that Jinki had asked him to look after Jieun on a weekend. After all, it was literally his job. But, it didn’t mean that it didn’t invite the perfect opportunity. Especially after the way Jinki had flirted with him a few days before. 

In the irrational part of Jonghyun’s brain, he had already conjured up a scenario where Jinki came home late in good spirits from drinking and dinner. He’d already thought through the whole process of Jinki laying eyes on him—reclining comfortable and willing in his home—and realizing how much he wanted him.

As Jonghyun replayed the fantasy again, it grew increasingly more impossible, but it hadn’t stopped him from foregoing the pills; from knowing he would be drenched in his own scent, and that Jinki would have to notice it. 

When he’d arrived at six, nothing had been different except for the most minute twitch of Jinki’s eyebrow. Jonghyun had zeroed in on it like a hawk. It was the smallest of clues that could’ve been anything, but any break in Jinki’s composure was welcome fuel to the fire of Jonghyun’s desires. 

He jolted as he heard the front door beep and click open. Jinki was still only hovering in the entryway, but his scent was stronger than Jonghyun had ever experienced it before. His eyelids fluttered closed and he sank into the couch deeper.

The sharp smell of alcohol permeated his scent, but it only brought out all the complex notes that Jonghyun knew by heart. As Jinki began to walk over to him, Jonghyun nearly whimpered. It was overwhelming—that heady, warm spice that Jonghyun could practically taste coating his tongue. 

Jinki sank into the couch cushions, closer than he usually sat. It took everything in Jonghyun’s power to keep from falling right into his lap, on top of his thick thighs that looked even more sturdy and strong in his well-fitted black dress pants. 

“How was Jieun tonight?” Jinki asked softly, words only slightly slurred.

Jonghyun took a deep breath to steady himself. “She was good. Definitely got tired quickly after we finished making slime with some extra glue I found in her craft bin.”

Jinki raised a bewildered eyebrow, and Jonghyun couldn’t help but laugh at his befuddled expression. His heart twinged. 

“It’s really popular on social media these days, but I guess I shouldn’t expect an old man like yourself to know,” Jonghyun said, flashing a cheeky smirk. 

Jinki snorted and shook his head. “You can’t call me old. You’re halfway there yourself.”

“But I still keep up with trends. I’ll be forever young.”

Jinki scoffed playfully. “You’re spending too much time with Jieun. Her stubbornness is rubbing off on you.”

“Oh, don’t worry. I’m stubborn all on my own. I don’t need her help,” Jonghyun said, laughing. “Maybe I rubbed off on her, you never know.”

“Bad influence,” Jinki teased. 

“Hm, it’s what you pay me for.”

Jinki paused after that, mouth opening to say something, and then closing as if he thought better of it. 

A silence fell between them, with the muted sound of the TV droning on barely audible in the background. There was a sudden heaviness, an expectancy that Jonghyun could only hope led where he wanted it to. 

He swallowed, overwhelmed again by how intense Jinki’s scent was now that there was no casual, safe conversation to distract him.

“You’ve been even better for Jieun than I ever could’ve imagined,” Jinki suddenly said, speaking low as he looked at his hands. “So I just wanted to thank you.” 

It reminded Jonghyun too much of the very first time they’d met, sitting on the couch in much the same way as Jinki had tried to search for the best words and Jonghyun sat perched in anticipation, wanting nothing more than to be as close to Jinki as he could, but denied the pleasure indefinitely. 

“She’s amazing,” Jonghyun gushed without meaning to. “She’s smart and creative, and so willing to learn. And she loves you so much.”

Jinki blushed, a familiar light pink color that always traveled up the back of his neck and touched the tip of his ears. It would be so easy for Jonghyun to lean in and graze his lips right against the sensitive skin, right where his ears got the hottest. 

He dug his nails into the palm of his hand and turned away.

“I’d never taken care of kids before this,” Jonghyun continued, unable to stop now that he’d started, now that Jinki’s scent was practically all he could focus on and his own hormones were on overdrive. “Just looked after my sister’s boys sometimes, but not often enough to call myself an expert.”

“You’re so good with her,” Jinki softly replied, catching Jonghyun’s nervous gaze and holding it steady. “I wouldn’t have even guessed.”

Jonghyun blushed hotter, but he desperately wanted to hear more. He nonchalantly spread his legs open a little further and looked up at Jinki through his lashes. Jinki’s nose twitched. 

“I haven’t thought much about having kids, about a future with a mate or anything,” Jonghyun said, swallowing against the more honest words that wanted to come out. “So busy with school or caring for my mom, you know.”

“I understand.” Jinki spoke steadily, carefully. Jonghyun _knew_ how he must smell—needy and nervous and reckless. 

Jinki was always so composed. Always so kind, gentle, polite and proper. He would never act out of turn, but Jonghyun wanted him to. He wanted to be wanted _so_ much, and it shouldn’t have been so hard.

“Because of Jieun, I feel like. Like, maybe I could be a good parent,” Jonghyun said, nearly a whisper. “Someday, I mean…”

Jinki swallowed. Jonghyun watched the smooth bob of his adam’s apple slide along his throat, and imagined pressing his tongue flat against its surface. He imagined licking up the taste of it all—salty sweat, the heavy, mechanical smells of the city, and the warmth of the fancy restaurant Jinki’s company had paid for—all intermingled with Jinki’s addictive natural scent. He closed his eyes and tried to breathe. His mouth was watering. 

“Yeah, she—” Jinki started, swallowing again. “Yeah, she’s really special. You’d be a good parent, Jonghyun. She’s already taught you how.”

Jonghyun drew in a sharp breath. His hands shook as he absorbed Jinki’s words. “Yeah? You think so?”

“Of course,” Jinki said. “I-I didn’t think I could do this on my own. And especially the teaching—you don’t know how much that’s helped. Or—just seeing her be comfortable as a wolf. It’s what I’ve always wanted, but never knew how to give.”

“I know, Jinki, I know,” Jonghyun said, letting his name slip off the tip of his tongue too easily.

Jinki sucked in a breath, and Jonghyun couldn’t tell if it was a good sign or not, but the flash of his wet tongue distracted him from trying to figure it out.

“So just—” Jinki faltered again. He licked his bottom lip. “You’re great, basically.”

Jonghyun closed his eyes and held back the whine that jumped up his throat. He basked in the praise, in such simple words that lit a fire along every inch of his skin. He shuddered. He couldn’t have been any more obvious. 

“You are,” he whispered. “You’re a great dad.”

Jinki squeezed a fist at his side, and a quick curse slipped out of his mouth. 

Jonghyun held his breath. He was tempted to reach out himself, to finally close that gap and touch Jinki with all the tenderness and passion he had been imagining for months. His fingers twitched on the cushion, but he didn’t move. The possibility of rejection was right over the horizon, and if his advances weren’t met it would send his world spinning, crashing out of orbit.

He tried to catch Jinki’s eye again with a cautious glance his way. The dim light of the lamp in the corner cast his face in a warm glow, so indicative of the warmth that spread through Jonghyun’s body every single time he looked at him. He met Jonghyun’s gaze with a question, an eyebrow slightly raised.

It was the minute details about Jinki that Jonghyun had been slowly cataloguing for so long that were like the guidebook for finding out what he was thinking. Jieun always seemed to get them right, but Jonghyun still struggled to read him; to interpret the clues enough to see his heart. 

“Jonghyun, I—” Jinki began. “You’ve been through a lot. You deserve so much happiness.” He stumbled over his words as always, but Jonghyun clung to each syllable frantically, holding his breath until the end. “You’ve brought it to me and Jieun; you still do. Bring happiness, I mean.”

“You deserve to be happy too,” Jonghyun assured him, looking directly in his eyes and hoping the words he couldn’t say would be found there. 

“Yeah?” Jinki asked, voice wistful. Jonghyun would make him believe it wholeheartedly. 

“Of course.”

Jinki nodded and bit his lip. He took a deep breath, and slid across the couch to close the space between them. Jonghyun leaned forward immediately, body naturally wanting to press against every curve of muscle and hard ridge of bone. Jinki’s breath came in ragged, uneven strokes.

He slowly reached out and placed a hand on Jonghyun’s thigh. The warmth of Jinki’s palm radiated hot through Jonghyun’s skin, so strong he swore it reached right through to singe his blood. It was grounding, pulling Jonghyun down to earth, to the room where Jinki sat centimeters from him with a wet, wanting mouth. Jonghyun’s eyelashes fluttered.

“Jinki,” he said, gasping in overwhelmed pleasure and surprise.

He was so overheated, wound up tight from the force of the sexual frustration and rampant desire, that his cock immediately swelled in his sweatpants, and he felt his underwear begin to dampen with a slick, familiar heat. 

Jinki _had_ to smell that. 

He gently pressed into Jonghyun’s thigh and came in closer, lips whispering along the column of Jonghyun’s neck, featherlight but sending zinging heat all through Jonghyun’s body. He was nearly shaking with anticipation, with the desperation that had been building for months. 

Jinki kissed the curve between his neck and collarbone, and Jonghyun mewled. His body went limp, content to collapse into the everlasting pool of Jinki’s warmth, content to be wrapped up and held—to be touched and fucked and untangled until Jinki knew all of his feelings honestly.

He wanted to say everything, but the only thing the haze in his brain could manage was a mumbled slur of Jinki’s name; a whine for him to do more, to lavish him in all that safe, happy warmth and blazing heat that he was craving. 

Jinki was gentle as he kissed his skin, but a need burned hot and ready behind it. His breath prickled along the wet spot his lips had made, and Jonghyun shivered pleasantly, whining again to beg for more, always more. 

Jinki groaned low and barely audible, and Jonghyun’s cock strained against the pull of his underwear. If Jinki could just get his hand on him, just to placate him and ground him again. If Jinki would—

Suddenly, Jinki pulled away. His breathing went rapid and panicked, and the perfect warmth of his hands no longer held Jonghyun together. Jonghyun snapped his eyes open, a rush of cold shooting through his body from his scalp to the soles of his feet. 

“I-I’m so sorry,” Jinki stumbled, hands shaking as he looked at Jonghyun in fear. “This. I’m drunk, I—I should know better.”

A well of tears balled up like gum stuck in Jonghyun’s throat, and his voice wouldn’t come out. He swallowed, trying to object, to plead. He was close to dropping to his knees and begging, eyes wide as he promised to be good. He was out of his mind with the lust, with the instinctual desire to be praised—to show an alpha that he was worthy.

But this wasn’t just an alpha. This was Jinki, and he was there: spilling over with primal scent and heady lust. His touch was pure heat, and his neat dress pants were straining over the huge bulge at his crotch. He was so close to what Jonghyun had imagined, had believed he could have. 

His stomach dropped, all the way down to the basement level of the building. He could practically hear it make a hollowed sound as it collided with the stone floor. 

“I didn’t mean to do this. I’m really sorry, Jonghyun,” Jinki continued, turning away and standing up. The line of his back was all he allowed Jonghyun to see.

Jonghyun found his voice, small and cracked with defeat, but it was there. “It’s okay,” he said.

He was freezing, near the point of shaking with chills. Being drenched in the heat of Jinki’s touch, and then having it wrenched away so quickly was too much of a physical shock. He wrapped his arms around himself to placate it.

“I think...maybe you should go home,” Jinki continued, speaking slow and deliberate, like he was afraid Jonghyun might not listen unless he was stern. 

Jonghyun hung his head immediately in shame, overcome with guilt and still rolling in the lust that had yet to dissipate. 

“Sure, of course,” he agreed, standing up slowly and trying to pull himself together into some sense of normalcy. 

He grimaced as he stood, the uncomfortable stickiness of his sweat and slick becoming embarrassingly apparent now that the anticipation of sex had disappeared. He was a mess.

Jinki turned to face him suddenly as he tried to compose himself. His features were soft, lined with concern that was too gentle and familiar for Jonghyun to take. 

“I-I’m sorry. Maybe it wouldn’t be a good idea for you to go out…” Jinki trailed off, cheeks reddening before he could finish the explanation.

Jonghyun just hung his head even more, embarrassment swelling in his chest. He _smelled._ It probably should’ve been insulting that Jinki assumed Jonghyun wouldn’t be able to defend himself if he encountered a dangerous alpha, but Jonghyun couldn’t help how the possessive streak in Jinki’s words lit a fire in his belly.

It was ridiculous, considering that he’d just rejected Jonghyun in the most outright way, but Jonghyun’s crush remained stubborn. The brief thought that Jinki was _his_ alpha, even somewhat so, made him weak.

“You can sleep in my bed. I’ll take the couch,” Jinki offered nervously, heading for the hallway to get some extra bedding from the closet. 

Jonghyun knew that’s where he kept it because of the time he let Jieun drink a soda on her bed and she spilled it all over the clean sheets. Jonghyun had rushed to change the sheets and do the laundry before Jinki had arrived home from work, and Jieun had laughed the whole time. 

Thinking of the memory now, he felt hollowed out and gutted.

“I-it’s fine. I can sleep on the couch,” he managed to protest, unable to stomach the idea of sleeping in a bed drenched in Jinki’s scent without Jinki actually being there. 

“Are you sure? You’re the guest, so,” Jinki continued, standing awkwardly in front of the closet. “Just—whatever will make you comfortable.”

“I’m sure,” Jonghyun nodded tightly. The thing that really would bring him comfort was unattainable, so he held his tongue and squeezed his fist to keep the tears from overflowing.

After Jinki had neatly laid out the new bedding on the couch, the two of them stood in silence. It mirrored their first meeting, where the unfamiliarity made casual conversation impossible, but now it was like two complete strangers had just crossed paths. Jonghyun swallowed tightly. 

“Right, um,” Jinki finally started after opening and closing his mouth several times. “You can wash up if you’d like. You know where the bathroom is, of course.”

Jonghyun looked away and quietly nodded. His underwear was literally soaked through, and he’d sweat so much that his shirt reeked, but he couldn’t bring himself to admit it. The shame curled in his stomach and spread out slowly to every corner of his body. 

Jinki’s eyes suddenly went wide, and Jonghyun wondered if he could smell the hot burst of embarrassment that shot through him. It only made it worse, so Jonghyun just hung his head and headed for the bathroom, before either of them had the chance to say something else.

In the shower, Jonghyun let himself cry. In heaving, gasping breaths he let the tears roll out and take over every other emotion swirling inside him. There was anger there too— a tight, dense ball in the pit of his stomach, but the ache of longing was what he hadn’t expected, not to such a degree as it wrenched through him. 

It shouldn’t have been so devastating, but Jonghyun had let himself get too close. He’d let himself in on a life that wasn’t even halfway his. He had always struggled to stay strictly professional, but he would have tried harder at it if only to forego this raw emptiness.

When he stepped out of the shower, he resigned himself to sleeping shirtless with just his sweatpants on, even though they were also smelly with his sweat. He figured he would be unable to sleep anyway. 

Jonghyun toweled his hair off quickly and slipped the pants on, neatly folding up his soiled clothes to remember to take back home with him the next morning. He slipped out of the bathroom as quietly as he could, figuring Jinki was already asleep. 

On the floor outside of the bathroom door lay a pile of freshly cleaned, impeccably folded clothes—a pair of soft grey sweatpants, and a faded t-shirt with a university logo. It was the university that Jonghyun knew Jinki had attended. 

The hole in his stomach grew larger, but the butterflies still came. He sunk down to his knees and picked up the clothes gently, as if they might disappear completely. Jonghyun looked down the hallway nervously. Jinki’s bedroom door was open enough that Jonghyun could see inside. 

Jinki was in his own pajamas, pulling back the covers on his bed and getting ready to slip inside. Jonghyun held his breath. Jinki happened to look up, and their eyes met for a moment. Jonghyun’s hands were still gingerly wrapped around the clean clothes, afraid to actually accept the offer. 

Jinki’s smile was as gentle as always, but what Jonghyun didn’t expect was the shadow of sadness falling across his eyes. 

Jonghyun smiled back, weakly. He couldn’t help it. 

On the couch later, bundled up in the blankets that Jinki had brought out, and wrapped in the clothes he had likely worn countless times, Jonghyun felt the lovesick ache penetrate all the way to his bones. It was a cold and lonely feeling that brought the tears from earlier springing back up. 

He cried silently, pressing the pads of his thumbs to his waterlines to keep from overflowing. Exhaustion settled in eventually, and with the smell of Jinki so close he had almost tasted him still imprinted in his memory, he drifted off into a restless sleep.

  


  
\---

  


“I should probably quit my job,” Jonghyun said, mostly into the tiny circle of the shot glass on the table in front of him. “Maybe leave the country.”

Kibum sat across from him raising a characteristically skeptical brow. The morning had been rough, as Jonghyun jolted awake at five AM sweating through Jinki’s clothes on the couch. Panic and dread had overwhelmed him when he’d remembered the events of the previous night.

He did his best to slip out of the apartment unnoticed, face and hair frantically splashed with water to at least somewhat mask his scent for the early train ride home. It had been quiet and solitary, sitting in the back corner of the car shivering from the combination of the dewy weather and the sweat drying to the back of his neck.

After a long shower and an even longer nap, he’d messaged Kibum, Minho, and Taemin in distress. 

At a table in the back of their favorite restaurant, Minho leaned over and wrapped a strong arm around Jonghyun’s shoulders. He squeezed him tight to his side, radiating the dependable warmth that he always did. It was pleasant and nurturing, but Jonghyun still ached for something else. 

“He doesn’t know what he’s missing,” Minho said in his serious, unwavering way. “Anyone would be lucky to have you.”

Jonghyun rolled his eyes fondly, but settled more into Minho’s side. There was comfort in the predictability of Minho’s reassurances; in the knowledge that he meant every word more sincerely that anyone could know.

“I wanted it to be him though,” Jonghyun said, only pouting a little bit. 

“I know,” Minho replied gently, tugging Jonghyun closer with a hand on the back of his neck. Jonghyun let him, falling into his chest.

Sharing physical affection with other wolves was always healing, and picking up on Minho’s omega scent underneath his cologne reminded Jonghyun of the familiarity and safety of being among his own. He wondered if it could be enough to get over this. 

“Do one-sided bonds exist?” he asked glumly, keeping himself glued to Minho’s side as he directed the question at Kibum. 

Kibum hummed in thought before turning a few pieces of beef over on the grill and sliding them onto Jonghyun’s plate. 

“I guess it’s possible, but it’s very rare,” he decided. “In all the history books and court cases I’ve read, it’s only come up a few times.”

He nudged the plate closer to Jonghyun to get him to eat. “Usually, it’s a misunderstanding between the two parties.”

Jonghyun dutifully ate a small piece of beef and one spoonful of rice before leaning back on Minho’s shoulder for comfort. 

“I don’t think this was a misunderstanding,” he said. 

“You’d be surprised how clueless some alphas can be,” Kibum replied dryly. “Also, no offense, but you reek. I picked up on your scent from all the way across the room.”

Taemin snorted from Kibum’s side. “At least he smells better than you.”

Kibum swatted his hand as Taemin tried to take a piece of cooked meat from Jonghyun’s plate. “You can’t stop being a brat for one day?”

“It’s because I didn’t take my suppressants,” Jonghyun explained. “I thought it would lead to something…”

Concern twitched at all of Kibum’s features, and he leaned over the table to press his palm to Jonghyun’s forehead. 

“You need to go home and rest. The heat could kick in at any moment,” he rationalized. The line of his mouth was stern but genuine worry gleamed in his eyes.

“I have until tomorrow morning at least,” Jonghyun said, curling tighter into Minho’s side and trying to ignore how hot his face and neck were getting.

“That’s all the more reason for you to get your rest,” Kibum tsked, sitting back in his seat and digging in his wallet for his card. 

“I haven’t been able to eat yet,” Taemin whined. “At least let us stay while you take him home.”

Kibum let out a terse sigh, but he pushed his card across the table to Minho. “Don’t let him get a hold of it.”

Minho gave a mock salute that prompted a fit of laughter from Taemin, but Kibum ignored them. He reached his hand out to Jonghyun.

“I’m only doing what any good friend would do,” he said gently, brushing the sweaty hair out of Jonghyun’s eyes.

“I know,” Jonghyun admitted, pulling himself away from Minho and letting Kibum help him stand. He hadn’t realized how shaky he already was.

In the packed subway car, Kibum held Jonghyun to his side with a hand around his shoulders just as Minho had done at the restaurant. Jonghyun closed his eyes and willed his mind to focus on the heavy, protective hold of Kibum’s palm and the way the movement of the train pushed his body along like a current. 

“Remember when we met? You were so stubborn and determined. Wouldn’t let me go for anything,” Kibum’s voice was a quiet hum near his ear. 

Jonghyun snorted. “I was just too horny back then.”

Kibum laughed knowingly and squeezed his shoulder tighter. “We were undergrads, can’t really blame us. It may be a cliche, but…”

“You know I’m a sucker for cliches,” Jonghyun said.

“And we’re proof there’s some truth to them.”

Jonghyun smiled, pressing his nose into Kibum’s shoulder. “Maybe me more than you.”

“My point is that you weren’t afraid to be direct, to ask me first,” Kibum explained. “You’re a brave person.”

Jonghyun paused, thinking of the small flirtatious moments he and Jinki had shared, and the way he always made sure to tread lightly; to never come on too strong.

“It feels different now, somehow,” he said. “Like, I can’t afford to mess anything up. I can’t afford to lose them.”

“So you could afford to lose me?” Kibum teased. There was a smile in his voice.

He opened his eyes and looked up at Kibum. “I knew I wouldn’t.” he answered honestly.

Kibum’s gaze softened and he rubbed his hand slowly up and down Jonghyun’s arm. “I’m glad you were right about that. And that you introduced me to Minho.”

Jonghyun laughed, head falling back. “God, him and Taemin are probably buying the whole restaurant with your money right now.”

Kibum rolled his eyes, but his expression was achingly fond. “Can’t believe that’s who I fell in love with.”

As Jonghyun’s stop was announced and the subway began to slow down, Kibum squeezed his shoulder again. 

“It’s going to be okay,” he said. It was the simplest statement in the world, but it settled into all the parts of Jonghyun that were still hurting and soothed the throbbing pain just a little.

“I hope you’re right.”

“I always am.”

When they arrived at Jonghyun’s apartment, Kibum helped him into bed and dug around in his dresser for some clean comfortable clothes. He folded a tank top and thin cotton shorts into a neat pile on the edge of the mattress, and fussed around the room gathering up pillows and blankets that Jonghyun would need later.

“I already told you, I have until the morning. I can feel it,” Jonghyun grumbled once Kibum had raided the kitchen for snacks and stacked them up on his bedside table in color coded rows. 

Kibum gave an exasperated sigh. “You have to let me do this, hyung. It’s instinctual.”

Jonghyun smirked. “I know that’s just an excuse.”

“An excuse to care for my best friend when he’s in a time of need? Maybe it is,” Kibum snapped back, a faint blush coloring his cheeks at being found out. 

Jonghyun’s smile warmed. “Thank you.”

Kibum shot him a look, feathers still a bit ruffled. “You’re welcome. I’ll get you some water, and then I have to go back anyway. Although, I’m not sure I’m ready to see the damage.”

“Better check your bank account before you go, so it’s less of a shock,” Jonghyun said.

Kibum’s cackling laugh echoed down the hallway as he ventured back into the kitchen.

Once Kibum had placed the cold water bottle on the nightstand, fluffed up as many pillows as he could, and lowered the temperature in the apartment, he left Jonghyun to his own devices. 

Sitting propped up in his bed with his computer in his lap, Jonghyun logged onto his school email to send the customary administrative notice to all his professors—excusing him from class for the next five days at least.

After sending the emails off, Jonghyun picked up his phone. He knew he shouldn’t call Jinki. A text or an email would suffice, and would be much less dangerous, but he was starting to feel the familiar fatigue and weakness setting in, and the urge to hear Jinki’s voice only grew.

Slowly, he scrolled through his contact list until he found Jinki’s name, and then clicked ‘call.’

Jonghyun held his breath through each ring, and when the call connected he nearly gasped. He had almost expected it not to go through.

“Jonghyun?” Jinki’s voice was low and warm through the crackle of the speaker. 

“Hi,” Jonghyun breathed out, colors starting to blur in front of his eyes. 

“Is everything okay?” Jinki asked, sounding worried. 

“Yeah, it’s fine, I just,” Jonghyun started, hand shaking as he tried to hold the phone. “I just, um, I can’t work for the next few days, so I wanted to say sorry.”

Jinki was silent for a moment, and Jonghyun bit his lip. His nerves were more than just the fear of embarrassment, but also the creeping desire of wanting to please Jinki that had started to crawl into his chest. 

“I know it’s short notice,” he continued.

“It’s okay,” Jinki said steadily. He took a deep breath, and the sound made Jonghyun shudder. “Are you—” he started, pausing again for a long moment. “Are you safe? Do you need—”

Jonghyun’s eyelids fluttered shut and he melted into the bed. A small whine escaped his lips, and he tried to hold back the desperate plea that wanted to jump out of his throat. 

“Y-yes, I’m fine. I’m at home,” Jonghyun explained slowly, having to think longer and harder about all the syllables it entailed. “A friend helped me.”

Jinki let out another controlled breath, and Jonghyun heard some shuffling on the other end of the line. “Um, that’s good. Is the friend still there?”

Something about the way he asked it made heat flood through every centimeter of Jonghyun’s body. There was a rough edge of jealousy to it, and Jonghyun had to remind himself that it was just an instinctual response. He would react the same to any other omega in heat; it was only natural.

He dug his teeth harder into his lip, and pulled the nearest blanket closer so he’d have something to ground him. His underwear was already soaked, and every nerve ending was alight with the possibility of what could come next, hanging on Jinki’s every word.

“N-no, I’m alone,” Jonghyun said as evenly as he could. 

He slipped his eyes closed again, waiting for Jinki’s response; imagining what it would be like to have Jinki rush across town and through his front door. What it would be like to have Jinki’s arms firm and solid around him, holding him down all night as he rode it out.

Jinki’s voice sounded tight as he answered. “Okay. That’s good, just—just take care of yourself.”

“I will,” Jonghyun squeaked out. “I’m sorry it’s so sudden…”

“Don’t ever apologize,” Jinki interjected, direct and firm. 

Jonghyun shuddered and pulled the phone away from his ear to breathe. 

“I usually use suppressants but,” Jonghyun continued, unable to stop it from coming out. “I didn’t this weekend, so.”

There was a long, stagnant pause where all Jonghyun could hear was the static noise of the speakers humming in his ear. He clenched the phone hard, palm sweaty. 

“I noticed,” Jinki finally said, and Jonghyun nearly dropped the phone onto the floor. “I—your scent…”

“Yeah,” Jonghyun breathed out, throat dry and heart pounding. 

“Anyway,” Jinki continued quickly. “Don’t worry about Jieun. Just do what you need to do.”

“Thank you,” Jonghyun managed to say, forehead starting to drip with sweat as the beginnings of the fever set in. He wasn’t in it yet, but it was as if hearing Jinki’s voice had sped up the process exponentially. 

“I-I’ll see you soon, Jonghyun,” Jinki replied. 

“See you soon.”

As soon as the call ended, Jonghyun threw the phone across the mattress. He panted desperately as he tugged his pants and shirt off, already drenched in sweat. He had his hand on himself in an instant, shuddering and crying out as he replayed the conversation with Jinki over and over until he came.

  


  



	5. Five

  


  


Jonghyun woke up groggy and disoriented. His limbs felt as heavy as rocks weighed down by rushing water, and he’d sweat through the clean tank top Kibum had laid out for him. He pulled it off quickly, and stumbled into the kitchen.

He mustered the energy to prepare a quick bowl of rice with seaweed and sesame seeds, swaying against the counter as he shoveled spoonfuls into his mouth. The snacks Kibum had prepared by his bedside would have sufficed, but during heat Jonghyun always craved simple yet filling dishes. They were the kind his mother always made.

He didn’t bother with the shower as he dragged himself back to bed, starting to shiver and shake as the chills of the fever. He collapsed face first, panting into the sheets that already reeked of him. Every bit of his skin was overheated, extra sensitive, and begging to be touched. He squirmed, starting to rut into the bed helplessly. 

He reached a shaky hand down to pull his shorts off, but his brain was slowly giving in to the pull of the heat, and coordination was difficult. He moaned, resorting to ruining his shorts and underwear as his hips moved faster, squishing his cock in between the rough cotton of his boxers and the firm reality of the bed underneath him.

Jonghyun whimpered as he chased it, trying to reach his orgasm and get past it as quickly as possible. The first one of a heat was never satisfying. It was like the striking of a match before it finally caught flame: he had to try it a few times before really getting it right. 

He squeezed his blanket tight in a fist and arched his back in repeated movements—lifting up for relief from the restriction of his clothes, and pressing down hard in desperate circles of his hips to catch a wave of feeling again.

He gasped and cried out in frustration as he writhed into the sensation. It wasn’t even close to enough, and his skin still felt as if it was pulled tight and painful across his bones as he squeezed his eyes shut and moved aimlessly. It was impossible to hold off; impossible to regulate into something that could approximate pleasure.

Finally the climax arrived, and a sound like a cry of agony ripped out of Jonghyun’s throat as he fell forward and came sticky and hot in his shorts. He groaned as he let go of his grip on the blanket and struggled to push himself up enough to pull the soiled clothes off and throw them across the room.

He heaved in long ragged breaths, eyes squeezed shut in discomfort as his head swam. His skin was still itchy and hot—too many sensations spreading through him all at once. The feeling was tight in his belly, and like a bundle of nerves that needed to be straightened out at the base of his spine. 

He crawled across the mattress to reach his bedside table, grasping for the new water bottle he’d grabbed from the fridge once he’d woken up and downed the one Kibum had left. He drank half of it in big gulps, and collapsed back onto the bed, limbs shaky as the fire in his groin stoked itself again. 

He flopped to the floor and crawled on his knees to find the box stashed underneath the bed. He grabbed the first toy he saw—curved and ribbed with an impressive size—and climbed back on the bed. 

Jonghyun settled into the sheets, pulling some of the blankets near him to curl up in later, and then reached down to wrap a hand around himself. At first, he moved quickly and methodically, and it was a welcome relief to his aching cock.

But that persistent need for _more_ itched violently under his skin. He groaned, closing his eyes and letting his mind drift as the fingers of his other hand did too. He thought about how Jinki would touch him if he was there; how he would tug at his cock with a relentless, controlled pace until he came, panting. 

Jonghyun gasped, already dripping wet all over the sheets as he slipped one finger in easily. He gasped and scrambled to press another one in, chasing the need to be completely full.

He bucked into his hand, losing his grip on his dick as he adjusted to fingering himself. Everything was sloppy and uncoordinated as he leaned into his own touch, trying to find a rhythm that satisfied. He took deep, steadying breaths to relax himself, and slid his third finger in alongside the other two, squirming at the sensation that rode the line of just enough.

Jonghyun sighed in frustration, hands too shaky as he tried to move his fingers at a controlled pace. It was even more difficult to jack himself off at the same time, and the haze of the heat descending on his brain crossed all the wires. He pulled his fingers out and scrambled for the dildo next to him.

He moaned softly as he slipped it in and fell blissful into the sheets. As he steadily pushed more of the length in, Jonghyun imagined that the hands touching him weren’t his own. He saw Jinki’s face above him, in all its stunning beauty and handsome charm.

 _“I’ll get you ready for me,”_ the Jinki in his mind spoke in gentle, hushed tones. Jonghyun whined in response.

Once the toy was completely buried inside, Jonghyun rocked back and forth and squirmed until it hit him just right. Its ribbed edges sent waves of rolling pleasure through him, and it filled him just enough—but it was nothing like the sensation of an alpha knot. He swallowed tight around the name he wanted to say, and basked in the phantom touch of Jinki’s hands on his waist to keep him still.

Sweat dripped down his brow and guilt flooded his conscience. It was too easy to imagine every detail; to picture Jinki scooping him up effortlessly and sitting him down on his cock, where he would stay until he was fucked raw. He would be _so good._ He’d let Jinki guide and direct his every movement, so that his sluggish brain and limbs wouldn’t have to bother trying to keep up.

Jonghyun whimpered as he squeezed tight around the toy, the tight coil of need starting to unravel as the fantasy unfolded behind his eyelids. Jinki wasn’t all that much bigger than him, but the broad stretch of his back and the hint of muscle in his arms from underneath his crisp dress shirts always drew Jonghyun’s attention. He would be able to pick Jonghyun up around the waist, press him against the wall with feverish kisses, and fuck him so full he couldn’t take it anymore.

Jonghyun gasped, rubbing frantically at his overstimulated cock. In the fog of his mind, Jinki’s face appeared in static images, and the warmth of his voice melted into Jonghyun’s ears. 

_Good, you look so good fucking yourself for me._

Jonghyun stammered out a hasty _yes,_ imagining Jinki’s determined, strong hands pulling the toy out of him, slow and easy. Jonghyun would whimper at the empty feeling in his gut, but Jinki would shush him with his hands in his hair—pulling the sweaty strands out of his eyes and pressing a heated palm to his cheek.

It would keep Jonghyun still; keep his body and mind from trying to outrun each other. Jinki would slide his cock in slowly, careful not to hurt him, but Jonghyun would be greedy and whine for it—inching closer until he was stretched so much that his vision blurred. 

He moaned, needy and broken as he imagined it. The burst of shame in his belly only made it more enticing. He pictured the look on Jinki’s face the first day back at work after his heat. He wondered if Jinki would be able to smell it; the deep scent of primal lust, sweat, and slick that couldn’t be masked by cologne alone.

Jinki would be polite about it, but Jonghyun could picture the way his eyes would shift. There was always something behind them that he couldn’t grasp, and in his fantasy it was a streak of possessiveness. It was the knowledge that Jonghyun had needed him, had been left to ride out a heat alone; had been touched by another alpha—however innocently it had been.

Jonghyun groaned, body aching and cock still hard, raw, and red in his hand. It wasn’t nearly enough. He wanted to be claimed; held firm and safe in Jinki’s arms as he pounded into his perfectly wet hole, until the knot swelled hot and big inside him. Jonghyun would stay there with Jinki still pumping cum inside him in waves of pleasure and warmth, and they’d be locked together at last. Jonghyun would never want to let go.

He whined and moaned, needy noises tumbling from his lips as he approached the edge. If Jinki was there he knew he’d coax him through it; whisper his name and stroke fingers through his hair as he rode it out. 

Jonghyun gasped and cried out in hitching breaths as the orgasm tore through him. He bit down hard on his lip as his body lurched around the toy, and cum shot out messy and hot down his hand. He took a huge breath, trying to calm the buzzing of his nerves and the burn he still felt from his scalp to his toes. 

In a blurry haze, Jonghyun rolled onto his side and pressed his nose into one of the fluffiest blankets on the bed. His body wanted more, ached for more until every itch had been scratched, but his muscles were sore like he’d run a marathon. He kept the toy inside him, masquerading as the stable heat of a knot that his body craved. 

He curled into his blankets more, rubbing his face over the surface of them as he burrowed underneath the pile. Chills were settling in, and he needed to be wrapped up tight in neverending warmth.

He closed his tired eyes and imagined Jinki again. He saw him with a hand perched on his head, rubbing gentle circles back and forth as he coaxed him into a restful sleep. He saw Jinki placing kisses on every centimeter of his body—from the dip of his brow bone, to the birthmark at the center of his chest, to the smooth planes of his stomach, down to the delicate curve of his ankle. 

Jonghyun saw Jinki lying next to him throughout the strange and ugly hours of the night; throughout the hours when sleep never seemed to come, but could somehow arrive with Jinki’s presence. He saw his eyes on him until the morning sun rose up and trickled through the shades on the window. 

Jonghyun saw it all in bright, surreal detail like an oil painting or the technicolor of an old film. The hunger in his chest, the ravenous need for more until his body thrummed with rightness—all of it became more than just wild instinct. It rose up from his heart in the melody of a song, in something like love. 

  


  
\---

  


His heat lasted until the end of the week, coming and going in violent waves of desperate need followed by periods of bone-deep exhaustion. On Saturday, Jonghyun spent the day in bed chugging Gatorade, ordering delivery from his favorite restaurants, watching movies, and trying not to think about Jinki.

He spent Sunday doing some homework—already accepting that he’d have to devote the following weekend to playing catch-up. He tried to focus on the immediate and important tasks in front of him, rather than the Monday morning looming ahead. Just thinking about it made his stomach churn with fear and uncertainty. 

The worst part was how much he missed Jieun. There were so many reasons he shouldn't have fallen for Jinki, but that was the most glaring one: the fact that falling for him meant falling even harder for her. The sudden rush of affection that bloomed in his heart when he imagined her excited smile, the uncompromising desire to protect her, teach her, and guide her—it had all built up steadily over time to reveal a truth that Jonghyun didn’t know if he could handle.

On Monday morning, Jonghyun stood over the bathroom sink with his bottle of heat suppressant pills in hand. A hot burst of shame prickled at his skin as he remembered the fantasy he’d constructed in the throes of his heat. If he did forego the pills again, Jinki would likely be able to smell the remnants of his scent—overcharged on hormones and spiked with sweetness.

It would be irresponsible and reckless to indulge such a desire, but Jinki’s voice had sounded so raw and intimate over the phone. The butterflies fluttered in Jonghyun’s belly again, and he placed the pill bottle back in the cabinet. 

Standing again outside the threshold of the familiar apartment, Jonghyun clutched the iced Americano in his hand and remembered his very first day on the job. It felt and looked exactly the same as that day, and all the other days following it—but the cold sick feeling in the pit of his stomach was a persistent reminder that it wasn’t.

When Jinki opened the door, Jonghyun was hit with a wave of the scent he knew too well, but underlying its usual warmth was the damp smell of sadness. Jonghyun swallowed. Underneath Jinki’s eyes, shadows of dark circles were deepened by the dim hallway lighting, and his smile was faint. 

Jonghyun stumbled over his greeting, worry and confusion flooding his gut. 

“Hi,” he said tentatively. “Um—I brought your coffee.”

Jinki led him in like always and accepted the drink, but as the cup transferred hands, Jinki carefully maneuvered his movements to keep their fingers from touching. Jonghyun pretended that it was only his imagination.

“How are you doing?” Jinki asked. 

Jonghyun heard the dim sound of the TV playing Jieun’s favorite cartoon in the background. He sucked in a shaky breath.

“I’m good. Thanks for understanding, and everything,” Jonghyun replied, his own voice sounding foreign as the words fell out like a rehearsed script. He bit his lip.

“Of course,” Jinki said, looking away as he spoke. He paused awkwardly. “Um—you left your clothes. From Saturday.”

Jonghyun blushed bright red and looked down at his feet. Embarrassment flooded his brain and clouded his vision. He couldn’t bear to look at Jinki.

“I’m sorry,” he said as sincerely as he could.

“No, no, it’s fine,” Jinki explained, stepping closer and making a move to touch Jonghyun’s shoulder. His hand hesitated for a moment before contact, then dropped back to his side quickly. Jonghyun’s heart sank.

“I washed and folded them for you, so you wouldn’t have to worry about it.”

“Oh, thank you. You didn’t have to,” Jonghyun said, surprised. The last thing he wanted was to be some kind of burden. 

“I—I wanted to,” Jinki replied. He had stepped closer again, and Jonghyun willed himself to look up. The kindness in his eyes was all too familiar, but now it shot painfully through all the cracks in Jonghyun’s heart. 

He nodded and forced a smile, searching for a change in topic. “I think I’ll go say hi to Jieun.”

Jinki’s face faltered, but Jonghyun tried to ignore it. It was harder than he had expected to slip back into the routine of normalcy, after coming so close to what he had wanted. 

“She’ll be happy to see you,” Jinki replied with a mirror image of Jonghyun’s own smile—one that tried to resemble something existing only in memory. “She missed you.”

Jonghyun bit back the words he wanted to say, not for the first time. 

_Did you?_

“I missed her,” Jonghyun agreed, meeting Jinki’s gaze for a beat, hoping to find something there that he still yearned for.

Jinki’s throat bobbed, mouth opening and closing as if he couldn’t decide what he wanted to say.

“I—she’s in the living room.”

Jonghyun turned from him, straightening his shoulders as he made his way there. Despite the sore ache in his chest, as soon as he saw Jieun his smile brightened so rapidly that it startled him. She jumped into his arms as he crouched down to pull her into a hug.

“Jonghyun-oppa! I missed you,” Jieun exclaimed into his neck, her long hair tickling his skin.

He took a shuddering breath as he laid his palm on the back of her head, stroking slowly as he breathed in her scent. It had become so recognizable to him now, and his brain signaled all the wrong words to him. _Love, pack, protect, family, daughter._

His tears caught in his throat, and he squeezed his eyes shut, struggling to pull himself together before he had to face Jinki as he left for work. All the hallmarks of domesticity colored the moment, but none of them could really be his. 

“I missed you too,” Jonghyun whispered, fiercely and honestly like he wanted to whisper to Jinki too. 

“I’m gonna head out now, Jjong—” Jinki started. Jonghyun froze at the use of a shortened pet name. He turned immediately, tears still threatening to spill over. 

Jinki blushed deep red and almost dropped his keys as he picked them up from the counter. “Uh, Jonghyun,” he corrected himself firmly. “I’ll see you later.”

Jonghyun sat stunned as Jinki rushed out of the door, still fixated on the way the pet name had sounded tumbling from Jinki’s lips. It had been so natural and easy; like he’d been calling him that for years. 

Jieun pulled Jonghyun out of his daze with a push of her hand on his shoulder. “Where were you?” she asked, confusion on her small face. 

“Oh, um—” Jonghyun started, caught off guard. There was no time for him to continue dwelling on what Jinki had meant. His cheeks heated up as he struggled to find the words to explain it.

“You know how your dad told you about the...changes omegas go through?” he stammered.

Jieun nodded slowly, still puzzled. 

“Well, um. It was related to that,” Jonghyun continued, searching Jieun’s face for any sense of understanding.

She squinted in thought, studying Jonghyun carefully as if the answer might be revealed more clearly somewhere in his eyes. 

“Something I’ll understand better when I’m older?” she finally asked. 

It shocked a laugh out of Jonghyun, like so many things Jieun had said over the time they’d spent together. 

“Yeah, that’s right,” he said. “How did you know?”

“Dad always says that to me,” Jieun explained, laying her head on Jonghyun’s shoulder. He tightened his arms around her waist in response. “And he said it when I asked where you were. I thought you would tell me…” she pouted.

Jonghyun smiled and brushed some hair from her eyes. “Well, I have to agree with your dad. Just this once.”

Jieun seemed dissatisfied but she accepted his answer without arguing. He took a deep breath before standing up, willing himself to push away all thoughts of Jinki and focus on what he was being paid to do. 

“The only bad thing about me coming back is that you have to do your schoolwork again,” he teased, heading to Jieun’s bedroom with her still curled up in his arms.

She grumbled under her breath in protest, but it was a sound that warmed Jonghyun’s heart.

For a few hours, they diligently worked through the new lesson plan that Jonghyun had drawn up. The semester was nearly over for him, and he’d have to start planning for his finals as well as some kind of comprehensive test for Jieun before too long. 

As he listened to Jieun read aloud from the short children’s novel he’d selected, he thought ahead to the summer months. He wondered how long he would be able to sustain this; caring for Jieun like his own when she couldn’t be that. It could be enough to see her, to see Jinki everyday and live in their world in any capacity given to him, but his heart stung at the thought.

That dull ache would always be there. That need for more would only grow.

Jieun read out the last paragraph of the chapter and closed the book slowly, looking up at Jonghyun. 

“Are you okay?” she asked.

Jonghyun shook himself out of his thoughts and nodded. “Yeah, I’m fine. Don’t worry about me. You did a great job.”

Jieun smiled, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes. “I like this one. It’s better than the other book you had me read.”

Jonghyun grinned. “Oh really? Well, next time I’ll choose another one like that since you hated it.”

Jieun laughed and smacked his arm lightly with the book. “You’re so silly.”

Her voice was quieter and less energetic than usual, and Jonghyun chewed on his lip in thought. “Let’s stop here. It’s been awhile, and I’m sure you’re tired.”

Jieun nodded, toying with one of the pencils lined up on the edge of her desk. “I wanna show you something,” she said. 

Jonghyun raised an eyebrow. “Oh? What is it?”

Jieun didn’t meet his eyes as she stood up and headed over to her art table. She flipped through her pile of drawings and paintings, which had grown exponentially since Jonghyun had last seen her, and finally pulled out a big colorful sheet. 

She glanced up at him shyly before flipping it around. Jonghyun’s heart jumped into his throat.

A familiar living room scene came to life in swirls of delicate watercolor. In the center of the page, Jonghyun’s wolf form was curled up comfortably alongside a tiny Jieun wolf pup. Their snouts were touching as they so often did, and their eyes were closed in peaceful sleep. 

Behind them, only slightly bigger than Jonghyun, and with a protective paw placed on Jieun’s small head, was another wolf with shiny, coppery brown fur. Jonghyun held his breath.

“Is that—”

“It’s dad,” Jieun said, peeking up from behind the painting. “I made it while you were gone.”

He gulped, trying to keep from crying. “That’s really nice, Jieun-ah.”

Her eyebrows scrunched up in confusion. Jonghyun sniffled, but tears still dripped silently down his cheeks. 

“It’s beautiful.”

“You’re sad,” she noticed, still standing behind her painting like it was a shield. “Dad was sad too.”

Jonghyun wiped at his eyes, trying to make sense of those words. “Um, what made you want to draw that?”

She stuck out her bottom lip in frustration. “I thought it would make you and Dad happy, but it just made you sad. Why?”

Jonghyun blinked, caught off guard and too overwhelmed with his emotions to try and put it into words she would understand. 

“I-it’s hard to explain.”

“Why? Why is everything hard to explain?” she demanded, anger starting to blaze in her eyes. She dropped her painting on the floor and wolfed out, running wild into the living room.

“Jieun—!” Jonghyun called, rushing to transform and follow her. 

She ran in circles, chasing her own tail and yelling _why why why_ in her mind. Small growls and huffs of frustration followed each cry. Jonghyun scrambled to stop her with his paw, nudging her side gently as she finally slowed to a stop. 

_“It’s okay, it’s okay,”_ he told her, desperately trying to calm her down. He pulled her towards him, right against the warm soft spot of his belly that she always liked. She sniffed to demonstrate that she was still annoyed, but went willingly. 

He held her there for a moment, pushing out all the warmth and love he could muster until he noticed her scent return to normal. She whined a little as she nuzzled his fur, burrowing deep into its comforts. 

After they’d been lying for a while, and Jonghyun was close to drifting off into a light sleep listening to the sound of Jieun’s breath, she nudged his side pointedly.

 _“Dad missed you too,”_ she said. 

Jonghyun’s heart raced. _“Did he tell you that?”_

_“Yes.”_

Jonghyun paused, trying not to let his thoughts get away from him. 

_“I missed him too,”_ he decided to be honest, if only to give Jieun some of the answers she needed.

_“You should tell him.”_

Jieun went silent after that, eventually drifting into a nap—little snoozes and snores making their appearance as she dozed off. Jonghyun sat protective and quiet over her, running her words through his mind and imagining the outcome of taking such a chance.

Jieun had always been perceptive, and she would know her father more than anyone else. Jonghyun had reason to trust her, but his own uncertainties about Jinki’s feelings outweighed everything else.

The afternoon soon waned and Jieun’s naptime came to a close. Jonghyun nudged her towards the bathroom to transform back, and after they both had done so, he cooked some quick ramen on the stove for a late lunch.

As the clock ticked closer to the Jinki’s inevitable arrival time, the ball of nerves in Jonghyun’s stomach tightened and squeezed at his insides. While Jieun peacefully worked on a new drawing on the living room floor, Jonghyun sat on the couch with his back rigid and unmoving. 

When Jinki arrived, he called for Jieun as he opened the door, and Jieun rushed to him with arms outstretched. Jonghyun swallowed tightly, fixed a smile on his face, and stood up. 

Jinki somehow looked more beautiful than ever, and Jonghyun didn’t know how much more he could take. After planting a kiss on Jieun's cheek, Jinki dropped her back to the floor and left her to busy herself with her drawing once again, focus turning towards Jonghyun. 

They faced each other. The room held a string of memories shared by the three of them so strong that Jonghyun felt the pull of them from all sides. Jinki’s face was open; cautious, curious, and expectant all at once. As always, he was a man of deep feelings and thoughts, whose subtleties could be found in the map of his features, and who Jonghyun had tried so desperately to learn how to read.

“Jinki, I—” Jonghyun tried to get the words to come out, to admit what was the simplest and easiest thing in the world. He opened his mouth to speak, but the admission couldn’t get past the well of his throat. 

The possibility of losing what had been built, of what had been sustained through Jonghyun holding back, and what had almost been destroyed in the absence of it—hung too precariously in the balance.

“I can’t,” Jonghyun blurted out, voice cracking on the admission. 

The tears he had struggled to contain all day sprung forth once again, and he rushed past Jinki towards the front door. 

“Jonghyun, wait—” he heard Jinki calling him back, but he pressed on until he made it to the hallway. 

He was halfway to the elevator when a warm hand on his wrist stopped him. 

“Jonghyun, please.”

He flinched at the overwhelming sensation of Jinki’s touch, and immediately it was gone again.

“Sorry, fuck,” Jinki cursed. “I’m being too pushy again, aren’t I?”

Jonghyun turned, heart stuttering to a stop. “W-what?”

Jinki hung his head, pink blooming at the tips of his ears. His dark hair fell into his eyes. “I keep fucking this up, and I’m sorry.”

“Fucking what up?”

“I-I don’t want you to feel unsafe, I don’t want to push you into anything t-that you wouldn’t...” Jinki stammered, looking at his hands. 

The hallway had always been dim, but in the alcove where the elevator stood lonely and waiting, a small light illuminated the ground underneath their feet. When Jonghyun was a kid, he’d been fascinated with elevators—how they were both private and public, how they were an in-between space separating floors of people who rode in its unchanging insides everyday, yet would likely never see each other’s faces. 

Always circling in each other’s orbits, but never making contact.

Jonghyun had grown accustomed to the cool metal walls of the one in Jinki’s building, so much so that the elevator in his own apartment was more of a stranger than an old friend. His hands shook as he moved closer; until the gap between him and Jinki was only big enough to contain a puff of breath between two sets of lips. 

He sank to his knees and bared his neck, finally presenting himself to Jinki, in the way he’d fantasized about doing for so long. 

Jinki drew a long breath, and then his hands came down to cup Jonghyun’s cheeks. Gently, with the pads of his fingers pressing only enough to guide Jonghyun back up, he brought their faces together until their lips brushed. 

Jonghyun shivered, mouth stuttering open to catch the wave of Jinki’s breath. He moaned softly as they touched, as Jinki kissed him with a force and desperation so intense it made Jonghyun’s knees shake. He scrambled to hold himself up with his hands on Jinki’s shoulders, but Jinki clutched at the small of his back, pulling him in until their bodies touched at every point. 

He pressed back, eager and sure; finally sure that he could do this without consequence. He whined into Jinki’s wanting mouth, into the plush softness of his full lips, as they moved in a heated, uncoordinated shaking of need. 

Jinki pulled back, reluctant and gasping. He grasped Jonghyun tight, close, never close enough. 

“I want you. So, so much,” Jinki breathed out, quiet and secret into the hollow of Jonghyun’s throat. He pressed a kiss there, and Jonghyun mewled. 

“I want you too,” he admitted, shaking in Jinki’s arms. “Since that first morning—”

“Ever since the day we—” they stumbled over the words together, laughter tumbling out in the minute space between them. Jinki’s smile was radiant. “Met.”

“Jieun told me you missed me?” Jonghyun teased, happy, overjoyed tears welling up in his eyes.

Jinki laughed. “I missed you. I was so afraid that I’d come on too strong,” he admitted, eyes searching Jonghyun’s face at a rapid pace, as if cataloging every feature down to the smallest detail. 

“No, never,” Jonghyun whispered, leaning his forehead on Jinki’s and basking in the warmth of his touch. “I’ve always felt safe with you. Even then, I did. Always.”

Jinki let out a vulnerable sound, a quiet noise from the back of his throat. He moved one hand from Jonghyun’s waist to caress his cheek, and Jonghyun leaned in willingly, eyes fluttering shut. 

“And all of this? It isn’t too much for you?” Jinki asked, a line of worry crossing his face. 

Jonghyun lifted his head, looking at Jinki with all the honesty and sincerity he had been trying to express for months. The burst of warmth and happiness he’d felt when he saw Jieun for the first time, the persistent pull he’d felt towards Jinki after the briefest moment of meeting—it had all grown and reached the most obvious conclusion. 

“It’s exactly what I want,” he said, baring his heart and setting it free. 

Jinki let out a slow breath, like he’d been holding it for years. He pressed their foreheads together and squeezed Jonghyun’s hands. It was utmost devotion; a gesture almost like a prayer. 

“Why do I feel like Jieun was just waiting for this to happen?” Jinki joked, opening his eyes again.

Jonghyun laughed. “She noticed it before we did.”

Jinki hummed, brushing a thumb over Jonghyun’s cheek and leaning in to kiss him again. Jonghyun fell into it, a moan from the back of his throat slipping out. He would stand there all day; all night and into the rest of the week if they could. He would stay and go anywhere with Jinki.

“Better get back inside before someone comes up the elevator and catches us in the act,” Jinki said when he pulled away.

He nodded in agreement and they went, Jinki’s hand clasping tight and unwavering to Jonghyun’s, carrying within it a future that was still hazy behind Jonghyun’s eyelids, but nevertheless blooming with a promise that he intended to keep.

  


  



	6. Six

  


  


Sodam’s spacious apartment, located a thirty minute subway trip from Jinki’s neighborhood, provided the perfect place for an end-of-semester weekend sleepover. Jonghyun had turned in his last final paper while perched on Jinki’s lap in the living room the day before, and Jieun had passed her Korean test with flying colors.

“Dad, what if the other wolves don’t like me?” Jieun had asked, seated between them on the train on the way there. She swung her feet anxiously. 

Jinki and Jonghyun had both looked down to acknowledge her, and a secret smile had spread across Jonghyun’s face. He still wasn’t used to the happiness that floated in his chest when Jieun called him by that name.

“Don’t worry. You’re going to have so much fun.”

Jonghyun knew Jieun would enjoy playing with the other young wolves for the first time, and he was proven right once they arrived at Sodam’s place and her boys immediately wolfed out and started howling Jieun’s name. 

“Looks like you’ll have your hands full,” Jonghyun teased Sodam, watching with a swell of pride as Jieun followed suit and tackled the older boy to the floor. 

“Hm, something tells me I won’t be nearly as busy as you two,” she replied, knowing glint shining in her eye.

Jinki coughed awkwardly and blushed bright red, but Jonghyun just grinned. As he watched Jieun wrestle and growl with the pups, another thought flickered in his mind. His heart yearned suddenly, imagining Jieun playing with her own younger sibling. 

He shook his head to clear the thought, but it had already crawled its way inside, and he figured it wouldn’t be let out anytime soon.

On the subway ride back home, Jonghyun tried to keep his hands to himself, but the pent up energy and frustration from weeks of stress and an absence of free time was grating under his skin. 

They had managed off hot, stolen kisses in the mornings before work when Jieun was still asleep, or rushed fumbling in each other’s pants in the bedroom in between Jonghyun’s studying on the weekends. It was almost as tortuous as when they’d been holding their feelings back—sexual tension reaching new levels of intensity when they were finally allowed to touch but denied the time to do so.

Jonghyun couldn’t resist leaning his head on Jinki’s shoulder, letting his lips hover at the bare skin of his neck and breathing in the intoxicating notes of his scent. Jinki kept a firm hand on Jonghyun’s upper thigh—a sign of comfort, but a gesture of possession and restraint at the same time.

In the elevator, he pressed Jinki insistent against the wall, clamoring for a kiss. Jinki melted on contact, slipping a hand down to squeeze Jonghyun’s ass as he licked into his mouth, panting and shaking for more until the elevator halted to a stop with a _ding_ and the doors slid open.

As soon as they were cloaked in the privacy of the apartment, Jinki swooped Jonghyun up with hands around his waist and pressed him against the wall, lifted entirely off his feet. Jonghyun moaned, grasping for Jinki’s mouth, for the pull of his kiss. 

“Hyung—” he exclaimed, wiggling against the restraints of his clothes. Jinki’s hands slid up the underside of his thighs, fingers pressing in and flooding warmth through his skin. “I’m already so wet,” he whispered into his mouth. 

Jinki groaned deep and strained, like he’d been needing to get the sound out all day. “I know, I could smell it on the subway.”

Jonghyun whined, falling deeper into his embrace, digging the heels of his shoes into Jinki’s broad back and trying to rut unsuccessfully against his stomach. 

“Don’t make me wait any longer,” Jonghyun pleaded, sliding his hands through Jinki’s hair and pulling him forward. He grabbed him by the back of the head, cradling his face as he looked over him in awe. Jinki’s eyes were blown, dark and fiery with heat, and his lips were already kissed red. 

“You’re too special to rush it,” Jinki said back, swallowing hard before leaning back in to nudge his nose along Jonghyun’s neck, to graze lightly with his teeth over the most sensitive spot. Jonghyun shivered and mewled.

“You can’t say something like that,” he whined, breathless. 

“I just did,” Jinki countered, grinning madly. 

He slid his hands up Jonghyun’s back and pulled him away from the wall, taking swift strides toward the bedroom with Jonghyun in his arms. Jonghyun still grasped him by his hair, nosing along his crown to feel the softness of the strands, and to inhale that scent that he would never get enough of. 

Jinki laid him down gently on the covers, then worked to untie Jonghyun’s shoes and toss them aside. His fingers shook slightly, and Jonghyun warmed at the knowledge that he’d induced it—desire so consuming that Jinki was losing control from it.

He tugged his own shirt off and threw it to the side, before crawling on the bed and straddling Jonghyun. Jonghyun grinned, sliding his hands up the smoothness of Jinki’s chest—broad like his back but soft with undefined muscle. He had the slightest hint of a belly too, and Jonghyun wanted to nuzzle into it, to bite him and mark him all up.

He pulled Jinki down for another kiss, and Jinki fumbled to slip his hand up Jonghyun’s shirt. Jonghyun gasped as he felt the touch along his bare skin, and tried to wriggle out of his top. He was too greedy though, itching for more of the deep, heady kisses that Jinki lavished him with. It was too difficult to get everything he wanted all at once, and he whined in frustration. 

“Let me help you,” Jinki said, low and warm in his ear like over the phone during his heat. Jonghyun relaxed into it, into the addicting pull of Jinki’s voice and the gentle touch of his hands.

He lifted his arms obediently and let Jinki undress him. First sliding his t-shirt off and tossing it over the edge of the bed, then working at his belt and tight jeans. His cock was already desperately hard and obviously so, and Jinki’s fingers gliding effortlessly near it but still not touching had the fire raging wilder inside him. 

He lifted his hips purposefully as Jinki tugged his pants down and off his feet, but Jinki ignored the tilt of his pelvis, the tent in his underwear, the way he was vibrating with need. 

“Jinki,” he whined, pulling him close and sucking his lips in a kiss. Jinki moaned and let him, kissing hard and intense as he pressed Jonghyun down into the bed, but it wasn’t enough. 

He pulled away with a sly grin. “You want me to get undressed, or not?” 

“I’m still not undressed either!” Jonghyun insisted, sliding a hand down to unzip Jinki’s jeans. “But I can help you out with it.”

He tugged Jinki’s jeans down and pulled at the waistband of his underwear. “Wanna see you.”

Jinki smiled and let Jonghyun unravel him, leaning into the touch as Jonghyun pulled his dick out and tugged his underwear down to his knees. He was big—tip of his cock already flushed red and leaking. Jonghyun moaned, sliding his hand down in a slow stroke, just to feel him. Jinki fell forward, hips kicking into his grip. 

“I want you inside,” Jonghyun gasped, still roaming around to feel every centimeter of him—from the wetness at the tip, to the small bump of his unswelled knot, down to the heaviness of his balls as he cupped them in his hand and squeezed. Jinki’s hips jolted. 

“I know. I’ll give you what you need,” Jinki promised, fierce and honest. 

He reached to the waistband of Jonghyun’s boxers to pull them down and off his feet in a swift motion. Jonghyun’s cock finally sprang free, and his overheated skin tingled in relief from the cool air in the bedroom. He spread his legs and Jinki buried his face in his neck. 

“God, the way you smell,” he moaned. Jonghyun nodded, one hand coming up to grasp the back of his head. “I couldn’t get it out of my head, that night when you stayed over.”

Jonghyun gasped, arching up as Jinki reached down to brush over his hole, to slide the pad of one finger along the slick skin. 

“I thought you hated me after that,” Jonghyun admitted with a laugh. It was so ridiculous now, but he still remembered the sick feeling that had washed over him when Jinki had turned away.

“I thought I was pushing you into it,” Jinki explained. “Influencing you to want it. My hormones were going crazy.”

“I wanted it,” Jonghyun said, groaning as Jinki started to press his finger inside. It went in easily, sliding into the wet heat and slowly opening Jonghyun up.

“Can I say something?” Jinki asked, almost shy as he whispered it in Jonghyun’s ear. He was careful not to look him in the eye, tips of his ears pink with embarrassment. 

“Anything.”

“When you left your clothes here,” Jinki started, breath tickling Jonghyun’s skin. “I—god the scent was so strong, so sweet that I...”

Jonghyun moaned as Jinki began to shift his finger back and forth. He pressed down on it to chase every movement. 

“Tell me,” Jonghyun pleaded. 

“It’s embarrassing,” Jinki said, nervous laugh falling from his lips. 

“You never have to be embarrassed with me,” Jonghyun whispered back, pulling on Jinki’s hair to bring their eyes into a direct line of contact. “I wanna know everything.”

Jinki nodded, cheeks flushed with color and hair starting to stick to the shine of sweat on his forehead. Jonghyun leaned into the pressure of his finger more, fluttering his eyelids shut and letting his mouth go slack as he moaned for more. 

“The night after, I couldn’t help it. I was jacking off, and I had your clothes balled up in my hand,” he continued, sliding another finger up against the first. 

“Fuck,” Jonghyun cursed, greedily clenching around him and spreading his knees further apart. 

“As I came, I just buried my face in them,” Jinki explained in a rush, pushing his fingers deeper inside as his lips lingered at the skin of Jonghyun’s neck. Right beneath his ear, he pressed a hot kiss. Jonghyun squirmed and bucked his hips. “You smelled so good.”

Jonghyun cried out, hands shaking as he pulled Jinki closer. He grabbed his face and pulled him into his mouth, teeth knocking and catching on lips as he licked inside. He needed to taste everything. He needed to feel every bit of Jinki; to scent him until he was completely his. Until it would be no secret who he was bonded to. 

Jinki kissed back hard, lips traveling from Jonghyun’s mouth to the line of his collarbone, and then to the planes of his stomach. He grazed his teeth along the thin skin and hard muscle, and Jonghyun arched into it, grasping at the strands of Jinki’s hair. He licked the hard points of his nipples, and then sucked the sensitive skin in between his lips. 

He sat up after he’d teased Jonghyun’s nipples raw and marked his skin with bites—growing red and raised as he let them settle. Jonghyun could feel his own slick dripping onto the sheets, skin buzzing and hot. 

Jinki nudged Jonghyun’s spread legs further, leaning down to look at his hole. Jonghyun blushed, so exposed by the action, but a wave of heat shot through him knowing that he was finally laid bare and open for Jinki. 

“Fuck,” Jinki said, running his finger along the rim. Jonghyun shivered and felt his hole contract at the attention. “I wanna taste you so bad.”

Jonghyun moaned. He was already so overheated and sensitive, body desperate and aching to be knotted and filled, but Jinki looked so _hungry._

“Please—” Jonghyun started, but he’d barely gotten the word out before Jinki was burying his face in between his cheeks.

Jonghyun gasped and immediately bared down on Jinki’s tongue. He was messy and unfocused in his movements, but every swipe of his tongue or press of his lips to Jonghyun’s skin made him shake and squirm. Jinki squeezed at his thighs, pulling him closer to slide his tongue in deeper. 

It was filling in a different way, like Jinki was everywhere inside him, touching each center of feeling and pleasure and making him burst with light and heat. He moaned as he tasted him, and it reverberated through his body—all the way down his spine and into the arches of his feet. He crossed his knees over Jinki’s head, ankles resting on the crown.

His body was strung tight in need, and sweat plastered his hair to his forehead. He tugged on Jinki, gasping. 

“I’m gonna come if you keep doing that,” he warned, rubbing his heel down the curve of Jinki’s neck. 

Jinki pulled away, panting. His lips were glossed over with slick, and his nostrils flared as he breathed hard. His eyes were wild—shot dark with desire and a streak of possession that was so raw and animal that Jonghyun’s heart pounded in anticipation. Jonghyun was marked already—his own scent mixed with Jinki’s in such a visceral way that the smell would tip off any other alpha. 

He was in Jinki’s mouth, the traces of him clinging to his lips, never to be fully washed off. And Jinki had just placed himself deep inside him, tongue instead of knot but it was all the same. Taste had been the touch to ignite the spark of their union.

“Fuck me now,” Jonghyun demanded. 

Jinki scrambled to sit up, letting Jonghyun tug him closer with the grip of his feet interlocking behind his back. Panting and shaking as he moved, Jinki lined himself up carefully. He laid a hand on Jonghyun’s waist to steady himself. 

“Ready?” Jinki asked, raising an eyebrow. 

“I was ready months ago,” Jonghyun said breathlessly.

Jinki smiled and slowly began to press the tip in. His eyes fluttered closed as he inched in, a moan falling from between his lips. Jonghyun grinned, scooting his hips closer and pressing his heels into Jinki’s back so he could take more. It was just like in his fantasy—Jinki was slow and careful, but Jonghyun was ravenous for it.

Jinki let him take it, hands drifting to Jonghyun’s sides and holding him still as Jonghyun sank onto his cock. Jonghyun gasped once almost all of it was inside, feet slipping down to Jinki’s hips. He wriggled around until he could take the last of it, every nerve ending in his body that had been prickling with need finally satisfied. 

“You can move,” Jonghyun encouraged him, shifting his hips. “You keep making me wait.”

“I told you, I need to savor this,” Jinki reasoned, but his warm smile lit up his face. He squeezed Jonghyun’s waist, and began to pull back slowly, before diving back in until he was buried fully inside again. 

“Fuck,” Jonghyun mumbled, trying to move in time with Jinki’s movements. “It’s not like this is going to be the last time, you know.”

“I know, but it’s our first time. Together,” Jinki continued, his thrusts slowly starting to pick up pace. Jonghyun clenched tight around him, slick dripping all down Jinki’s length.

Jonghyun reached up to brush his fingers through Jinki’s hair, gathering it out of his eyes. “I thought about this. During my heat.”

Jinki groaned and hung his head, grinding hard as he pushed deep inside. Jonghyun smiled, tugging him closer by the hair. He pulled his face up and caught his lips in another kiss, tasting the faint memory of his own scent in Jinki’s mouth, coating each molecule of skin and the rigid bones of his teeth. Jonghyun shuddered, pressing down on Jinki’s next stroke, and squeezing around him as he pulled back.

“I could hear it in your voice as soon as you called,” Jinki breathed as Jonghyun broke the kiss. He swallowed, leaning in closer until he could run his lips along Jonghyun’s neck again. Jonghyun squirmed and moaned at even the suggestion of touch. “What would you have done, if I would’ve just come over right then?”

Jonghyun gasped, baring down on Jinki’s cock again as he pushed in more forcefully than before. He squeezed his legs around his back, holding him in position so he could shift his hips back and forth—using Jinki’s cock to fuck himself. 

“You know what I would’ve done,” Jonghyun said, speaking low into Jinki’s ear. “I would’ve sat on your knot and let you fuck me until I was completely full.”

Jinki moaned, low and desperate into Jonghyun’s neck, and Jonghyun let his legs fall apart so that Jinki could move freely; could get inside him as deep as he possibly could go. Jinki picked up the pace, holding Jonghyun close as he pushed in harder. Jonghyun’s head spun, the heat of the pleasure overwhelming him in the best way. 

“You’re gonna make me lose it if you keep talking like that,” Jinki said, lifting his head to move Jonghyun’s hair from his eyes and cradle his face. 

“Mm,” Jonghyun mumbled, reaching out to pull Jinki in until their lips brushed. “Next time, you’ll be with me during my heat, right?”

Jinki’s hips stuttered and he gasped, squeezing Jonghyun’s waist and nearly crumbling on top of him. He nodded quickly, mouth open and panting. 

“Trust me, you’ll never have to worry about that again,” Jinki spoke slowly, eyes dark but full of love, protectiveness, sincerity. “I will always satisfy you, care for you—”

“I’ll care for you, too,” Jonghyun said, heart pounding in his chest and body shaking as he felt the familiar signs of his climax. He gasped, looping his arms around Jinki’s neck and hiking his legs up again to hold his waist. He shuddered around Jinki’s next thrust in, hole clenching tight against the force to drag out the feeling. “For us, for our family.”

“Fuck, Jonghyun,” Jinki said, hips getting erratic as he held him still. Jonghyun felt Jinki’s knot start to swell inside him, and his eyes rolled back in his head at the pressure, the intensity of the feeling. It was exactly what he had been needing for so long.

Jinki moaned as he came, falling onto Jonghyun’s chest and burying his face in his neck. Jonghyun gasped as his orgasm tore through him, cock spurting cum out on their stomachs as Jinki bit down and claimed him completely. Jonghyun cried out as waves of pleasure washed over him, as Jinki tugged and sucked at the skin. Warmth floated through him, touching every point inside his body and out. It was pure euphoria.

The bite had triggered the bond, and the connection was nearly instant. For all the time Jonghyun had spent wishing Jinki could be his, for all the time he’d spent wondering if it was possible to ever have that; to have the security and love of a mate—he never imagined just how good it would feel. 

Jonghyun held Jinki close with hands on his head, squeezing tight around his knot and radiating in the feeling of security from every end. Jinki’s hips twitched as cum still shot out and into him, filling him up. Jonghyun breathed hard as Jinki pulled away from his neck, hazy dreamy smile plastered on his face. 

“How was that?” Jinki asked softly, hands sliding up Jonghyun’s chest and moving in slow, comforting circles. 

Jonghyun squirmed on his knot, scooting as close as he could get. He grabbed one of Jinki’s wandering hands and rubbed his thumb along the top of it. “You know it was perfect.”

Jinki laughed in understanding, dragging his hands back up until they caught in the hairs at the nape of Jonghyun’s neck. He slowly laid down until their chests were touching again, and Jonghyun could listen to the rhythmic hum of their heartbeats. 

In the back of his mind, as much as he had yearned for this, it still shocked him some days to know that Jinki had felt the same. It still shocked him to know that now all of Jinki was his, too; the love he spread freely, the home and the life he had cultivated, the daughter he had raised. 

Jonghyun swallowed around a rising wave of happy tears, and leaned in close to whisper in Jinki’s ear.

“Next time I have my heat, you should fuck me through it. You should knock me up.”

Jinki let out a soft, desperate noise. “You’re gonna get me going again.”

“I mean it,” Jonghyun continued, playing with the strands of his hair. He couldn’t tell if it was just the rush of hormones making him talk like this, or the honesty of the moment bringing out his feelings. “I want your baby.”

Jinki groaned, leaning in to capture Jonghyun’s lips in a kiss. Jonghyun smiled into it, opening his mouth so Jinki could swipe his tongue inside and taste; so he could pull back and tug on his bottom lip. 

“Let’s at least wait until you’re out of school,” Jinki suggested, his always familiar, always comforting grin spreading across his face. 

Jonghyun laughed and nodded. “That’s probably a good idea. You’ll definitely need some help when there’s another tiny terror running around the house.”

They kissed again, falling into each other effortlessly. Jonghyun drank him down, drowned in the rushing waves of his affection, in the trust and safety built out of such special intimacy. They were bonded now—a connection that ran so deep it could only be felt, only known to those who shared it.

He didn’t know if it was really fate, or destiny. No wolves actually knew, but they held on tight to the belief that a bond signaled a love that would always be there; steady and unwavering.

It was a love that wouldn’t wane; that much Jonghyun knew. He could feel it coursing through him like some kind of power. It was there, strong and true, until forever ran out.

  


  


_Epilogue_

  


Gentle waves lapped at the white sandy shore, the usual bright turquoise water still a muted blue under the cloak of the night. The sun was just beginning to spill over the horizon line, to glow like a blazing ball of fire in the clear sky, to drape the island in its everlasting warmth. 

The rhythmic thump of paws colliding with the ground reverberated across the empty beach. In the early hours of dawn, they ran wild and fast to chase the sun. Wind whipped through the sleek, breezy fur of their summer coats, and the crisp smell of salty seawater was sharp between their teeth, on their tongues. 

Jieun was behind Jonghyun. Her legs were short, but her energy burst from her in shouts and howls of delight, in the excited pounding of her small paws on the warm sand. Jonghyun looked straight ahead. He didn’t need to worry about her. He could feel her close and tight by his side; her body heat and scent as familiar as his own. He closed his eyes to feel the sea breeze, to flash back to the well of his memories; of running for the first time.

It was new and different now, with the line of Jinki’s sturdy body racing in front. He led them towards the end of the beach, where the rocks would start to stack up and the water would splash violently along the cracks of the shore. Jonghyun’s heart soared at the sight. 

Jinki howled loud and happy at the appearance of the sun, at the first glimpse of its radiance. It cast the water in shades of pink, violet, blue, green. Jonghyun followed the sun as it crept up, as it bloomed across the sky and showered Jinki’s shiny copper coat in bright yellow light. He gleamed under its glow. 

At the edge of the beach, at the line of rocks that crested up into a cliff overlooking the water, they fell onto their backs into a big pile. As the sun warmed the sand underneath them, Jinki nudged Jonghyun’s neck. Jonghyun crawled closer, closing his eyes and basking in the comfort of his soft fur. Jieun nuzzled behind him, tucking her small head under Jinki’s paw. They laid together, panting from exhaustion, breathing each other in and relaxing in the sun. 

Every heartbeat of Jinki’s was his. Every breath he took echoed in his own chest. All the love they had was each other’s, spread out and shared in an infinite loop of unforgiving strength. Jonghyun let himself think it, then; that this was what had been missing. It was the piece of life’s puzzle that was always hard to find, but worth it in the end.

It was family. It was pack. It was home.

  


  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! As always, I tried my best to represent Korea and life in Korea as accurately as possible, but I have never been there and I'm not Korean. Therefore, if you find any inaccuracies please don't hesitate to let me know!
> 
> You can follow me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/charmlesstrans), and [tumblr](https://replaydebut.tumblr.com/) if you'd like. Comments and kudos are always appreciated too ^^
> 
> Also, a huge thank you to the prompter! I hope you enjoyed the story<3

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [hounds of love](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26470726) by [meltingheart](https://archiveofourown.org/users/meltingheart/pseuds/meltingheart)




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